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Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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What is worth?

So here I am in the dark and I do not fight it

I embrace it

Embrace the fear, sadness and weakness of this moment


I want to leave it behind

Get up and striveIMG_5203

Do things that will cover the anxiety and doubt of this moment

But I don’t

I want to be angry

Anger feels powerful 

When I am angry I don’t feel the rejection

That steals my breath away

Instead I resolve to breathe deep and honor the rejection

I embrace the hurt 

I revel in the weakness, as hard as it is

It is almost overwhelming, and brings me to my knees  

It is on my knees where I again find strength 

In Your presence, the darkness flees

I am nothing without You

I am a daughter

I AM’s daughter

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Lent: Recipe to remember….

So yesterday I joined my small group for a Fat Tuesday menu of gumbo, rice and king cake.  It was delicious, and since my friend Paige cooked, it was quite authentic.  I love traditions!  And since Fat Tuesday is over, that means  it’s Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.   I love this season and try to use it as a time of focus.  Each year it’s had a little different look, but this year I’m really trying to get back in that writing habit.  I’ve had a hard time writing in the past few years for many reasons, but to tell you the truth, the biggest problem has been me!  So I am going back to the beginning, and that strange recipe that God has given me to make communication easier.  Strangely enough, it just comes down to three little words, wrestling, writing and encourage!

 The WWE acronym had me cracking up this morning since wrestling is the first step in the process.  Typically it’s something that comes to my attention, and I then wrestle with God to process, learn and maybe find some wisdom for my life.  I then write about the process in the hopes it would encourage someone else like it’s encouraged me.  I am not a bible scholar, and I am not here to tell you how to live.  I just hope what I say might make you think and start your own wrestling with God.  

So today, I felt like I had a directional adjustment!  Priorities were put back in place and how to use the time of Lent became a little clearer.  I was reminded of who I am and Whose I am in this world.  And while I was thankful for the clarity, I was even more thankful for the extremely funny way it was communicated! 

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Eventually…..

I had a question I needed to ask, but I was a bit scared.  I know…. scared might be a bit overblown, but that’s me!   I think it really came down to the possibility of being disappointed or maybe even hating the answer!  

And lets face it, that’s why most of us don’t ask…. We want our answer, not really the one we may be given.   I eventually knew I had to let go of the outcome and let God handle that, I just had to ask the question. 

And it’s in that word “eventually” where I am amazed.  The wealth of meaning in that little word is huge.  The time I spent in “eventually” was longer than it needed to be.  It was full of realization, wrestling, uncertainty, prayer, irritation and eventually a clear message of “get moving”.  Even when I try to ignore God, He steps in and inserts Himself where I can’t ignore Him.  

So Fridays are such a mellow day, that even in the morning I just want to chill a bit.  So I decided instead of reading my bible, I’d watch HGTV.  And that isn’t holy ghost TV.  

So I start watching some random show that’s doing a remodel of an old home.  The original structure was built in the 1700’s, and through the years a kitchen and carriage house had been added.  The first thing they were doing was opening up walls and flooring.  The structure just didn’t look right, so to figure out how to fix it, they needed to see how it had been built.  He said “There were no building codes.  So it doesn’t mean they didn’t build it right, it’s just that we don’t know how they built it”.   

They didn’t know how they built it?  That statement just stuck with me, because it really played in to the question God had put on my heart.  And with that message I knew that I had to leave the land of “eventually,” and ask my question.  I did… and it was a good conversation.  For me though, it was an even better lesson.  When God gives me a question, task or way to serve Him, He will also give me a way to make whatever I need to do happen.  There is a goal for the rest of the year…. Don’t spend time in “eventually”.  I need to take the advice of the GOAT and JUST DO IT!  And Michael Jordan notwithstanding, I need to rest in the confidence of who God is, and what I know He has already done in my life.  

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A prayer for a lifetime

_DSC2940Lord this world needs you.  I need you.  Help me not to react, but to find the path that leads to shalom in my life and in the lives of all.  Today as we think of that day so long ago when You gave us the power to make “Your kingdom come,” help us to not be distracted.  Give us the strength to be a conduit of the Holy Spirit that gives us the power that can change the world.

The angels sang on the day You were born and told the outsider, “Don’t be afraid!”  They made it clear that the redemption you were offering was “GOOD NEWS OF GREAT JOY, FOR ALL PEOPLE.”  Forgive us who call you LORD, but do not proclaim YOUR good news.  Forgive us for muddying the waters.  Let this Pentecost be different.  Help us to lay down our lives (our opinions/rights/our idols)  for our brothers and sisters.  What is done in humble love, though imperfect it may be, will be honored by You….and in that there is HOPE. 

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Sat on a fence but it don’t work

Keep coming up with love but it’s so slashed and torn

Why, why, why?

Love, love, love, love, love

Insanity laughs under pressure we’re breaking

Can’t we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can’t we give love that one more chance?

Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love

Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?

‘Cause love’s such an old fashioned word

And love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance

This is our last dance

This is ourselves under pressure

Under pressure

Pressure

Under Pressure….. Queen

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Easter: Coffee, jammies and HOPE!

IMG_4885So here we are …. Stuck in the middle again.  I felt like this last year, when Mike was recovering from brain surgery.    Now?  Well there’s nothing like a global pandemic to put life on hold.  But is life really on hold, or has the focus just shifted?   Maybe here in the middle is where we regain perspective? 

 

They were in the middle too that Saturday, but they didn’t know it yet.  They thought it was over, the wise teaching, the healing and the restoration of a nation.  Everything they had been living for was changed in one day.   Continue reading “Easter: Coffee, jammies and HOPE!” →

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Hosanna?

img_8960So Palm Sunday is typically my favorite Sunday of the whole year.  I think back to spending it with preschoolers and how we would tell them about that special day when Jesus entered Jerusalem.  Making leaves, doing a parade and shouting Hosanna!  For preschoolers, it’s the perfect lesson!  There is a lot of energy, color and activity in the re-telling of the event.  Today though I sit alone in my backyard, missing the energy of the typical Palm Sunday celebrations in church. 

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I am beginning to think though, that maybe this is how it’s supposed to be?  Instead of songs and shouts of Hosanna, I have wind and rain shouting a chorus.  And while there are no palm fronds, there are the trees in my backyard violently waving their praise!   

While this might not be the Palm Sunday you were imagining, maybe it’s just what you need?  This week as we all move toward a very different Easter, may it be a time of reflection and focus.  A time to look at life and our priorities.  To decide if what we think is important, really IS that important! 

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others.  It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds.  It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  James 3:17

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Ready to soar in 2020

I was able to talk to my oldest son for a while last night.  We stood outside beneath the stars, wondering at the beauty of the night sky.  We talked of the new year and the feeling that something was coming.  It was a bit foreboding, but we both agreed that no matter if it’s good or bad in store, God would have our backs.

Those were the words I wrote on December 31, 2018, and how prophetic they would turn out to be.  So in the few weeks following, my hubby endured more pain, doctor visits and the diagnosis that would change everything.  Brain tumor.  Even now when we hear the words we shake our heads in disbelief and laugh.

imagesNow that it’s (mostly) behind us, we are looking forward to the new year more than we typically do.  Mike is looking forward to regaining strength and feeling more like his normal self.  I am looking forward to …. well I am not sure what?  Don’t get me wrong… for Mike I am praying for excellent recovery, and for the boys that they would continue to make strides forward in their lives.  Above all that they…….that we all would be able to know God’s presence.  But while I felt foreboding last year, I am not sure what I feel this December 31st?  It’s definitely not the same heaviness as last year, but it’s also not the normal New Years day feeling. Continue reading “Ready to soar in 2020” →

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Advent: Rejoice!

dsc_0835-2So it’s Christmas Eve and I am fighting my feelings.  I’m sitting here with my hubby on a quiet evening.  No family…. Not that normal excitement that usually comes with the season.  In some ways it seems kind of sad, but it’s just because things have changed.  Most of the boys are now with significant others and living out of town.  So we spent our “Christmas” together on Saturday, so that they would be with their ladies families on Christmas day.  It was wonderful to be together, but the new normal is taking some getting used to.  It was kind of getting me down having such a quiet Christmas Eve and anticipating the same on Christmas Day.  It didn’t help that I was going to the doctor because I wasn’t feeling well.  Really?  Is this how the holiday is supposed to be?   Continue reading “Advent: Rejoice!” →

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Advent: Hope

I started tearing up the other day.  They were on me so fast, I could barely stop them from coming.  It was because of the rain.  Now it typically rains during the fall/winter, but this was the first of the year.   I may live in California, but here in the Central Valley, there is not a beach in sight.  That’s OK though, because I do live just west of the Sierra Nevada mountain range, and they are amazing!

  IMG_7158There are good points and bad points to this area, but the worst is the air quality.  It sucks to put it mildly.  As the year goes on, the air quality deteriorates to the point where you can’t even see the mountains, that are with a short drive away.  The funny thing is, at some point, I forget they are there.  I drive east every morning, and eventually they fade into the haze.  So with the first rains of the year, I knew the mountains would be making a comeback.  I also knew that since it was raining, they would be obscured by clouds for now, but soon I would see them.  And in the anticipation, I found hope.   Continue reading “Advent: Hope” →

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