Timing is everything. I’ve really been amazed at the people we’ve met over the past couple of months. How they encouraged us, provided good care for Mike and helped us navigate the process. One of my favorites was an older lady I met while Mike was having an MRI. This was before we had his diagnosis. We had gotten to the office where the MRI would be done, and I can remember thinking for the first time how fragile Mike seemed. We both got out of the car and he waited for me. We’ve always held hands when we walked, but now it was different. We walked slower, more carefully. I was holding his hand more to help him, than simply out of affection. When we finally got into the back, Mike went into get the MRI done, and I sat out in a small waiting area. No one was out there with me until an older couple came back and were waiting. Ugh! I did not want to talk to anyone! So I kept looking straight ahead and did all I could not to make eye contact. When the man was called back, I was doing great, keeping my eyes to myself and not attracting any attention. Well, that was until I started laughing.
I mean it wasn’t my fault! It was the technician that was taking people back. So he finishes up with a patient, and tells him he can go. Right at that time a doctor comes up and wants to talk to the technician, so he tells the patient to just sit down. The patient, confused now that he is getting two different sets of instructions, stands there unsure of what to do? When the doctor steps away, the technician sees the poor man and asks why he is still there? The patient says “well the doctor told me to sit,” and the tech just says, “what does he know, he’s only a doctor?” The patient then leaves, and I start cracking up watching this play out in front of me. I then made my mistake, and made eye contact with the lady that was sitting there. When I relayed why I was laughing, she couldn’t hear me, so of course I had to sit next to her and share the story. By that time it was all over, I was trapped into a conversation that I didn’t want. For that, I am so grateful!
So we talked, or at least I listened while she talked. She shared a lot of her life in just a few minutes. We also got to talking about her moving into a new “adult community” and her fears of finding a place with the new people she would meet. We also talked about her son, and the new woman in his life. She had liked her, was impressed with her education and intelligence, but was unsure because she had tattoos. She was a good Catholic lady, and this seemed to bug her a lot. So I did what I do best, and told her what I had learned along the way. Encouraging her to remember the times she had been the new person in the past, and how she had found a place then. I told her that this would be the same, and not to worry. I also told her about my own son and his many tattoos. She seemed to be comforted by the words and my own experiences. It was a great conversation, distracting for me and encouraging for her!
By the time my hubby was coming out where we were waiting, she was giving me a hug goodbye and telling me she “loved me”. She was adorable, and it was such a fun conversation! Mike asked who she was, and I told him that we had just met. He just gave me a look? That was a moment though that I just thanked God for perspective. It was the last time I would try to cut myself off from the people around me. I realized that God may have put them in my path to help me cope. Even more important, God may have put me in their path for the exact same reason.
So day 2 is always hard. I always wonder, what will I write about now? I also feel behind the eight ball because I am tired. Taking care of someone can be tiring. Part of it is physical, but it’s also a mental tired. Since I tend to overthink things, I am sure that is a lot of it! There is a spiritual aspect to it too. The word “spiritual” makes it sound very serious, but it really hasn’t felt that way.
The neurologist gave us an idea to fastrack the whole thing. So he called a doctor at the local emergency room to get us in. My hubby was so excited, we would go to the ER and they would transfer us to a larger hospital. It would be there that they would see the big mass in his head and they may even do surgery this weekend. Isn’t it great? There was not one tear, one moment of hesitation or fear. We looked at each other shook our heads with smiles on our faces.
Today is the start of the Lenten season, and in the past couple of years, I’ve come to really love it! I almost missed the beginning, since we have been a little busy around our house. My hubby reminded me yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and its kind of become a tradition to have red beans and rice for dinner. I am glad that we didn’t miss it because we needed a little fun this week, and I needed a little reminder of what Lent means to me.
wondered if this would be my last post for 2018 or actually be the first of 2019? I have plenty of time to make it before the new year, but I don’t seem to be very focused. Like other times when I am writing, I seem to have a hard time starting. If I can get my brain to relax and just type, then I can actually get something done.
I was able to talk to my oldest son for a while last night. We stood outside beneath the stars, wondering at the beauty of the night sky. We talked of the new year and the feeling that something was coming. It was a bit foreboding, but we both agreed that no matter if it’s good or bad in store, God would have our backs.
His response to my second text? “God is the best DJ!” And it’s so true!
“Maybe I am a woman searching for a word?” I love words, so when I heard the line from the movie Eat, Pray, Love….it obviously caught my attention! So on my laptop, I just keep it open to notes, and when things catch my attention I write them down. Sometimes I expand on them, and sometimes I don’t.
The word was Noel. For the past few weeks it had caught my eye in stores, and on cards. As I was out, and when I was in. I heard it on tv and in songs. So being the word nerd I am, I had to look it up!
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.” Luke 2:10
I love the fog….it is such a great metaphor. I do hate to drive in it though. The fog we have here in Central California is called Tule Fog, and when it comes in, it can be a nightmare. Yesterday while driving in it, I couldn’t help but think how like life it is. You are going along, going down one path with a destination in mind, but not quite seeing where the road is taking you.
Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say,
There is such peace for me in the mornings, especially in the winter. The darkness closes in and envelops everything. It magnifies the feeling of quiet and alone. It’s different in summer and spring. The sun comes up early and gives you the opportunity to get your day started. You see all that needs to be done, and the light says “let’s get to work!” In winter, the darkness speaks to the world in inky blackness, “Sit and ponder,” she says.
You see the problem is, I know my sin, but you may not. I am pretty quiet about it. I mean really…. who wants people to know what they do that misses the mark? Most people I know don’t really want to confront their own sin, let alone have someone else confront it. So why do we feel the need to mention it on Twitter? If you know someone is dealing with something, talk to them about it. Study with them. Love them! If that sin is so grievous to you, meet people where they are. Jesus did! He met people where they were, not after the healing. And when He met them, He brought grace and love. He eventually showed them the sign, but it was after they felt His care for them.
You know the funniest thing about God? He wants to talk to us! I don’t get it…. Why? If I am who I am and He is who He is…. Why is He so big on trying to communicate with me?
I loved it! We women get so many mixed messages, it’s hard to keep our heads on straight. Here was a woman who was trying to really live. Her motivation was not going to be out of a sense of guilt, but out of love. Well for her, the love was for pizza. For me, it is the love of God. Or better put, the way that God loves me.
I struggle with this a lot. While I believe I am so loved, I have a hard time trusting in it. While His love is perfect, our worldly version is not. And that my friends has left a mark. I still chase after it though. I want that kind of freedom! To trust so much in that love, gives me the confidence to become the person He made me to be. The one that’s inside of me. The one that I find it hard to let out. The one who laughs too loud, eats too much, cry’s too easily and doesn’t want to wear a mask. She is kind and just wants to encourage you, whether she knows you or not. She loves Jesus, but she drinks a little. She is scared to be vulnerable with you, because she cares what you think. Her feelings get hurt easily and she lets them hurt. That’s because it’s either hurt or anger, and she never wants the anger to have life. I know I am not the only one who wants this freedom. I see it in myself, and I see it in other women. I see it in the bible.
Cheryl Mendoza 