So I had a bit of a revelation the other day. I was hurt by someone I didn’t even know. They commented on something that wasn’t a big deal, and it bugged me. Now luckily I worked my way through the hurt, but it made me wonder. “Do you know who I am? “
I mean obviously, she didn’t know me at all. The question came to my mind because of an exercise this speaker did at the conference I was attending. It was the same conference where this lady approached me. The speaker had spoken about insecurities, bullying, anxiety and how we might be playing a role like an actor, instead of being our authentic selves. So she asked us to take a nametag and write down all the names we called ourselves, and exchange them for what God says of us. So here we are writing down the real and perceived flaws or inadequacies that pretty much most of us feel, ready to exchange them for something better. As I went through the process, I thought of my encounter, and laughed when that question popped into my head. “Do you know who I am?”
And no, not in the hands on hips, attitude filled, head bobbing way. No, it was more like the hurt, sad or broken woman who was writing on the nametag. She didn’t know if I was worthless, fearful or abused. She didn’t ask if I was anxious, stupid, ugly or unwanted. She just came up to me and made a comment that could wound, without intending to. In that moment, whoever I thought I was, may have just been confirmed by a complete stranger and a silly exchange. Worthless, not good enough, different.
It was sad to feel this way in the midst of this gathering where I should have felt safe. It was even sadder to think that those words may have found more fertile soil in someone else.
It made me mad for a couple of weeks. Not in the I am mad and going to be in a state of anger kind of way, but in the way where I couldn’t write about it until now. Where I could actually write clearly about the encounter, and not be harsh with my words.
I wanted the anger at my hurt to be gone, and just be left with the sadness of how we treat each other. Now I have no illusions that this woman was trying to hurt me on purpose, but she did on accident. It made me wonder how many times we do that with other people?
Now to be perfectly clear, this was a Christian women’s conference. A quick weekend event that is meant to encourage and uplift. So you can really imagine my chagrin to have had this little hiccup in the proceedings. Now, she may have thought that what she did was no big deal, but remember my question, “Do you know who I am?”
When we don’t know someone, it is really hard to know how to approach them. Quite frankly, it’s impossible! We don’t know their personality, history or the day they’ve had. Multiple factors that all add up to who we are and how we filter information. So how can we talk to each other? Well, I would give my most favorite example, and that was a guy named John.
You see, we meet John through the bible. For many of us, his words are the first we memorize about Jesus. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son….. John 3:16.
He writes the ultimate words on how God loves us, and it’s a good thing, because later in his life John is called again to give some hard truth. In the book of Revelation, heaven is opened and John sees what is to come. Some of it is hard truth, but it’s truth we can handle. How? Well because we go back to where John started, “For God so loved…..” We can handle the truth when we know that someone loves us. If there is even a bit of doubt of that love? Well then you can almost guarantee a bad reception to anything you say. Hard truth, or even a simple comment in the middle of a crowd.
So friends, check your heart when you make that observation, comment or give advice. Make sure that person knows you’re speaking out of love. If there is any possibility of doubt, maybe you shouldn’t be saying it? Take the time to lay that groundwork of love first. Then you will have the ability to speak into their life in a way that will encourage, uplift and bring wisdom at the exact time they need it.
I’ve said it a bit recently to those around me, “it’s not how you start, but how you finish.” And don’t get me wrong…. It’s easier to finish well when you get out of the blocks cleanly.
judged me prematurely, and I think there has been a bit of an impact. I am grateful though for those who have been on the other side. The one’s that have given me the chance to change, grow and mature. Those are the ones that didn’t write me off, but gave me the time, love and encouragement to fulfill the potential they saw and hoped to see bloom.
Sometimes I think much of the things we hope shows people that we love Jesus, just doesn’t. Just like the headlights, we assume they are on, because they’re supposed to come on. We don’t bother to check our lights before we go.
We’ve had so much rain lately that the weeds have taken over. So it was past time to get out and clean them up. They were easy to pull, as the ground is soft and the weeds were pretty big. Some of it was small and kind of reminded me of ground cover. It was more delicate and harder to pull out. It was such a pain! I had half a mind to let it stay, but I knew no matter what they looked like, they were still weeds. As green as they were, I knew that it would take over and that wouldn’t be good. Plus, it would have gotten me into huge trouble! My son worked one spring to get the area all dug out and the mulch put down, so I want to honor the work he did by keeping it cleaned out and looking good.
Timing is everything. I’ve really been amazed at the people we’ve met over the past couple of months. How they encouraged us, provided good care for Mike and helped us navigate the process. One of my favorites was an older lady I met while Mike was having an MRI. This was before we had his diagnosis. We had gotten to the office where the MRI would be done, and I can remember thinking for the first time how fragile Mike seemed. We both got out of the car and he waited for me. We’ve always held hands when we walked, but now it was different. We walked slower, more carefully. I was holding his hand more to help him, than simply out of affection. When we finally got into the back, Mike went into get the MRI done, and I sat out in a small waiting area. No one was out there with me until an older couple came back and were waiting. Ugh! I did not want to talk to anyone! So I kept looking straight ahead and did all I could not to make eye contact. When the man was called back, I was doing great, keeping my eyes to myself and not attracting any attention. Well, that was until I started laughing.
So we talked, or at least I listened while she talked. She shared a lot of her life in just a few minutes. We also got to talking about her moving into a new “adult community” and her fears of finding a place with the new people she would meet. We also talked about her son, and the new woman in his life. She had liked her, was impressed with her education and intelligence, but was unsure because she had tattoos. She was a good Catholic lady, and this seemed to bug her a lot. So I did what I do best, and told her what I had learned along the way. Encouraging her to remember the times she had been the new person in the past, and how she had found a place then. I told her that this would be the same, and not to worry. I also told her about my own son and his many tattoos. She seemed to be comforted by the words and my own experiences. It was a great conversation, distracting for me and encouraging for her!
So day 2 is always hard. I always wonder, what will I write about now? I also feel behind the eight ball because I am tired. Taking care of someone can be tiring. Part of it is physical, but it’s also a mental tired. Since I tend to overthink things, I am sure that is a lot of it! There is a spiritual aspect to it too. The word “spiritual” makes it sound very serious, but it really hasn’t felt that way.
The neurologist gave us an idea to fastrack the whole thing. So he called a doctor at the local emergency room to get us in. My hubby was so excited, we would go to the ER and they would transfer us to a larger hospital. It would be there that they would see the big mass in his head and they may even do surgery this weekend. Isn’t it great? There was not one tear, one moment of hesitation or fear. We looked at each other shook our heads with smiles on our faces.
Today is the start of the Lenten season, and in the past couple of years, I’ve come to really love it! I almost missed the beginning, since we have been a little busy around our house. My hubby reminded me yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and its kind of become a tradition to have red beans and rice for dinner. I am glad that we didn’t miss it because we needed a little fun this week, and I needed a little reminder of what Lent means to me.
