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Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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Women

Let go and let LOVE……

February 5, 2025

“Simple cures to complex problems are almost always snake oil”.  – Mike Cosper

It was just a couple of days ago I read that statement and it made me stop for a moment to ponder.  I was in the middle of Mike Cosper’s new book, “The Church in Dark Times,”  and while the comment made me stop, I didn’t stop for long. I found the connections interesting that he was seeing between what has been happening in the church and some of the observations of journalist Hannah Arendt. As I thought about the quote from the book, it really brought my mind to the state  of our country, and even our world.  Then out of the recess’ of my mind came a word, or at least a part of a word.  Funny thing was, I couldn’t really remember where the word came from or what it meant? Luckily for me the internet can take half remembered thoughts and provide the information needed.   That thought, is a Gordian Knot. 

It was funny, I had no idea where that came from or what exactly was a Gordian knot?  I was telling Mike about it, and he said we had heard it in a documentary about  Alexander the Great.  So I read more and understood why it came to mind.  This Greek legend in a nutshell is this…. There is an oxcart that is  tied to the palace of the former kings of Phrygia.  It has a storied history and the oxcart itself was dedicated to a Phrygian god.  This oxcart was tied by an elaborate knot that was unable to be untied, and that my friend is the Gordian Knot.  An oracle had proclaimed that any man who could undue the knot, would rule all of Asia.  Centuries passed and the knot was still fully tied.  No one had been able to untie the complicated knot though many had tried in their desire to rule.  Then comes Alexander, not Hamilton, but the Great.  He arrived in Phrygia and immediately wanted to untie the knot.  Now in the end, he was able to get it loosed, and does eventually rule all of Asia.  Hence the moniker…. “the Great”.  

The first version of the legend I read stated that when Alexander came and was unable to unravel the confusing knot, he took out his sword and sliced through it.  “It makes no difference how they are loosed,” he is rumored to have said.  This solution is looked on as “bold or unconventional action taken to remedy a difficult problem”.  And what a story!  There is though another ending, and I was surprised to hear this very different way the story was resolved.   

So in this version, Alexander observes the knot and the complicated structure, and instead of pulling out his sword he takes the time to get a different point of view.  He pulls the lynchpin from the pole that the yoke was fastened, and slides the knot off the pole so he can see the underside.  When he does, he is able to see the ends of the knot and untie it.  Taking the time to see the underside, gave him the ability to untie the knot.

What was so interesting, were the different ways the problem in the story was resolved.   One way shows a decisive, if all be it quick and maybe even brutal decision to slice through the problem.  The opposite solution took the time to look at the problem from all angles.  In doing so, he was able to see a different perspective that revealed the solution.    

So why does this remind me of life today?  Well, as soon as I thought of the knot, I immediately saw it in my mind.  The knot wasn’t made of rope though, it was made of people.  A mass of humanity lumped together so tightly, that they couldn’t be easily separated.  I could see us together, tightly intertwined. Like a cosmic game of twister, with arms, legs and whole bodies entangled with one another.  The knot is uncomfortable and painful even, but why?  

 I wasn’t sure what held the knot together, until a few days later.  I was listening to a podcast, and someone was talking about a study with monkeys. The monkeys were trying to get a snack out of a container, and while they could get their hand in, as soon as they grasped the snack their fist wouldn’t come out.  It was then I wondered if that was what was holding my knot of humanity together?  

We each have our hands around that thing we desire.  It’s in our grip and we won’t let go.  Now they may not necessarily be  bad things, but they are so important that we lose perspective on everything else around us.  We hold on tightly even if it brings pain to ourselves and other people.  

It seems to me, that we all are looking for the same things in life, with minor variations.  Safe neighborhoods, a good education for our children, a place to work that not only fulfills us but actually can pay the bills!  Housing that is clean, safe and affordable, healthcare that you are able to access that won’t break the bank and a city where there are services and events that bring together our diverse communities.  If there is so much common ground, why does this life feel like me vs you so much of the time?

Can our beliefs, point of view or individual experience be more important than someone else’s?  Are those “things” more important than a person?   It seems these days, we’ve put those “things” over real people.  The worst part is we’ve actually let these “things,” and those who talk about them daily, color how we feel about people we know and do life with.  The one who calls you when the dog is loose, or picks up your mail when you’re on vacation.  They are  the people that you work, attend church and do every day life with.  You laugh and cry with them, they are your community.  And we have seen people drop neighbors like “it’s hot” for some talking head on TV.   Shame on “we”! 

Let’s face it, in this world there are even good things that we desire so desperately, that we will allow our good sense to be suspended.  It’s happened before, and because there is nothing new under the sun, it will happen again.  

This knot of humanity is perplexing.  If we look to solve the problem by just slicing through it, we could wreak havoc, and cause repercussions that we can’t even conceive.  Potentially we could create an even more knotted up life in our future.  So, maybe the second ending of Alexander’s story holds a solution. At first I thought so, but now I wonder?   

That second ending seems like a more reasonable way out of the knot, but then my mind goes back to the monkey.  While we like to think the knot is more of a “they” problem than an “us” problem, I really think it’s a “we” problem.  The knot is not only made up of people, but we’re all a part of the knot and many of our actions continue to allow it to grow.  We have made it so tight and now that we’re in it, we won’t make the choice to let it go.  

Alexanders knot had a lot riding on it, but  no one was going to be hurt by either slicing through or carefully unknotting the rope.  Our human knot, well that’s a different story. It’s laced with the hopes and dreams of those who may agree with us, and others with different beliefs.  It’s made up of the lives of our family, friends, strangers and neighbors.   

No matter what style the problem solving takes, the question that really bears asking is….will it last? 

I am beginning to think neither way would solve our knot of people.  As soon as we think we have one section undone, our humanity comes roaring back, and we simply reach out and grasp what we desire.  So my question is this, how is the knot undone and how do we keep it from becoming so twisted and hurtful again?  The solution may seem simple, but it is definitely not snake oil.  

We let go, and we love!

Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 22:36-40

I know it sounds like a Hallmark card, but love IS still the answer.  This is not just any love though, it’s the love that God has for the humans He’s created.  It’s a love that when we accept it, and let it flow through our lives, brings healing into a dying world.  It’s the kind of love that moves you to seek good for the people around you, and may even compel you to lay down your life for others.  It’s the kind of love that gives us the strength to let go!

Letting go is hard though, especially when everyone is holding on so tightly to what they want, need or think they need.  It’s even harder to be the first one to do it!  I think that’s what really holds us back, or on a more personal note, holds me back.  If we all followed these steps, wouldn’t it be a better world?   No one would be in need, because we would each be looking out for each other.  If I am sharing with my neighbor and helping them, and they are doing the same for me, we each would have enough.  “What a wonderful world it would be”….to quote the amazing Louis Armstrong!

Ok… so we are good with the “loving God” part, but it seems we push back on “loving our neighbor.”  We ask ourselves the question, “If I love my neighbor, will my neighbor love me?”  Unfortunately, we think we know the answer to that question already, and only carefully give out this love we’ve been gifted.  So since I don’t trust you to let go, I will keep my own tight grip.  Which leads us back to our Gordian knot.    

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been both up and down as I asked myself these questions.  You see, when I am writing I am not really talking to you.  This is just me wrestling with God.  

As I hear the clanging gong of opinion daily through different outlets, It’s more important than ever to keep my priorities straight.   Each time I hear the noise, it makes me want to shrink further into myself and turn my back on people.  I want to hold tighter to my peace and security.  Most of all, I don’t want to suffer the judgement of others, so I tend to hold tight to my observations.  My hand is in the jar and I don’t want to let go.  You see….I have my own place in the knot.  

So as I was trying to finish this up, I went to church on Sunday and heard a message from John 15:9-17.

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.  I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!  This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.  There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.  You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.  This is my command: Love each other.

The sermon was a timely one for me, as it seemed to fit into everything I was wrestling through. The main idea was a simple one, but the simplicity does not detract from its impactful truth.

“Without love we will be lost.” -Chip Bungard

This kind of love is a matter of faith.  Am I really ready to live like Jesus asked us to? Will God protect and provide for my family if I let go, even if others don’t?  I believe that it comes down to trusting God to move things into place, one day at a time. It is truly trusting that the love He brought into this world will transcend anything that is weaponized against it.   And as we trust Him each day, we can let go of the things that hold us back.  Anything that gets in the way of loving others, as God Himself would love them!

A little Sonshine needed…….

So when I woke up this morning, the temperature was at a brisk -10 degrees.  I have never been in weather this cold, so it has been a learning experience to say the least.  For any of you who are concerned, we are snug and warm in our home, with plenty of food and are totally comfortable. (Praise God) 

This is supposed to be the coldest day of the Arctic snap we are going though, and in a few days we will be hitting the 50’s.  So that means the snow will melt and a more normal life will resume with outside temperatures that aren’t a danger to life and limb.  

Funny thing is, as I am sitting here with my blinds shut, I can see that the sun is back and while it seems to be pretty strong, I still can’t open my blinds.  Why?  Well the air temperature  is still too low, and while the blinds may not seem like much, they do insulate against the cold.  The sunlight that comes through those south facing windows typically does a great job of warming up part of the house, but even that warmth is no match for the blistering cold we are experiencing.   

And it reminded me of being in the middle…..and Who is there with me. 

The middle can be a problem, situation, education, transition or anything where you are on a path from one place to another.  From the middle, you can see the “light” at the end of the tunnel, but you just aren’t there yet.  Like me, maybe today you are tempted to cut the journey short, and jump into something that is close to that light?  I really am tempted to open the blinds, because I crave the sunlight that’s waiting outside.  It’s been days since I’ve seen it, and I need me some vitamin D!  I won’t open them though because of the repercussions.  I will be cold!  Then the heater will have to work harder and not only will it cost me more money, but the static electricity will go through the roof and drive me crazy  on a whole other level!  

So I keep my focus on what I know will come, and it’s not sunshine.  My little analogy today is cute….because I can see the end on my weather app.  Most of the time though, we don’t know what the end is going to look like.  How do I keep focus?  

We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.  Proverbs 16: 33

Those who listen to instruction will prosper, those who trust the LORD will be joyful.  Proverbs 16:20.   

God reminds me that He is my focus and when I keep Him in sight, He has my back! He’s done it before, and because He does not change, I trust He will do it again!   And when I get out of focus, which I do, He gets my attention to remind me of who He is and how He hasn’t let me down yet! 

So from a chilly place in the middle….. I would encourage you to remember what God has done for you! It will help make the middle a little less chilly…..

Eventually…..

I had a question I needed to ask, but I was a bit scared.  I know…. scared might be a bit overblown, but that’s me!   I think it really came down to the possibility of being disappointed or maybe even hating the answer!  

And lets face it, that’s why most of us don’t ask…. We want our answer, not really the one we may be given.   I eventually knew I had to let go of the outcome and let God handle that, I just had to ask the question. 

And it’s in that word “eventually” where I am amazed.  The wealth of meaning in that little word is huge.  The time I spent in “eventually” was longer than it needed to be.  It was full of realization, wrestling, uncertainty, prayer, irritation and eventually a clear message of “get moving”.  Even when I try to ignore God, He steps in and inserts Himself where I can’t ignore Him.  

So Fridays are such a mellow day, that even in the morning I just want to chill a bit.  So I decided instead of reading my bible, I’d watch HGTV.  And that isn’t holy ghost TV.  

So I start watching some random show that’s doing a remodel of an old home.  The original structure was built in the 1700’s, and through the years a kitchen and carriage house had been added.  The first thing they were doing was opening up walls and flooring.  The structure just didn’t look right, so to figure out how to fix it, they needed to see how it had been built.  He said “There were no building codes.  So it doesn’t mean they didn’t build it right, it’s just that we don’t know how they built it”.   

They didn’t know how they built it?  That statement just stuck with me, because it really played in to the question God had put on my heart.  And with that message I knew that I had to leave the land of “eventually,” and ask my question.  I did… and it was a good conversation.  For me though, it was an even better lesson.  When God gives me a question, task or way to serve Him, He will also give me a way to make whatever I need to do happen.  There is a goal for the rest of the year…. Don’t spend time in “eventually”.  I need to take the advice of the GOAT and JUST DO IT!  And Michael Jordan notwithstanding, I need to rest in the confidence of who God is, and what I know He has already done in my life.  

Living the best life!

IMG_8198Friday was a hard day.  I had been out of sorts for the last few days.  Maybe it was hormones, a heavy heart, work, hate pouring through the tv screen or a combination of that and more.  I was blue I guess, so yesterday morning I tried to do what would put me in a better frame of mind.  I read my bible and sat in the backyard in the only cool part of the day. My yard is not any kind of oasis, but there is enough growth and color to bring me peace.  So as I sat there, I chose not to open FaceBook.  I typically do it, so it was kind of weird for me, but I went with and hoped that it would contribute to a more peaceful state of mind.

As I sat and drank coffee, I wondered if part of my feelings were due to what we have
just went through and what is coming up. God has been so good and showing me peace, provision and presence during Mike’s surgery and recovery, but I wasn’t sure if I was still feeling like that.  So as I pondered, I felt like I wanted to go back to that time.  No… not Mike going through pain.  More like I wanted my trust to go back to God, in all things. To really live my life.  I have felt fear creeping back in over things that don’t even matter, and I knew I was returning to an old way of reacting.  My mind went to an upcoming trip we’ve planned and are so excited about.  It’s not till the end of September, and I was thinking, “am I going to put living on hold till then?”  No! That isn’t right!

_DSC2940I asked God to help me resolve to identify those things that are a step backwards for me, and to help me go forward.  To LIVE fully!  Every day!  To work hard, play hard and most important…. LOVE hard.

It was encouraging and lifted me up.  God set the bar a little higher for me, helping me to look up and seek to live a life that is full and honors Him.  How better can life get?

My time in the yard ended, and I got ready for work.  As I got in the car, I opened my phone to sinc my music and FaceBook was open.  So without thinking,  I started to scroll through the feed.  It was then that I saw a post that caught my eye.  It was a verse:Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of our souls.” 1 Peter 1:8-9

 Now I love the verse, but I couldn’t understand why a sad face with a tear?  I don’t feel sad with that verse…. It gives me peace and brings joy of a life that comes to a full circle in faith.  It really irritated me.  I thought wait…. what kind of mixed message is that?  Then I saw it again on another post and I realized why.

61090122_372332523391263_2373045765493751808_nI had known her as a girl serving preschool kids with a knack for telling a story, my hubby knew her as a student athlete, and during her illness we met the young woman she had become.  I will always remember the day she came to our house.  Mike had set up his “photo studio” and Kay, who is a cancer survivor, came to offer encouragement to a young lady fighting her own battle. We all talked about her treatment, school, photography among other things.  Faith and hope were sprinkled in the conversation, that included lots of smiling and laughter. 

And as I sat in my car, I realized why I hadn’t looked at FaceBook that morning.  God wanted to give me an example of what he was showing me.  The right perspective before I heard the news. While she was so young, her life was well lived.  She had used it to funnel love, grace, laughter and faith to those around her.  And in that life, we see the truth of what God is encouraging us all to do. Live your best life through Him.

You may be surprised…..

IMG_8153It’s so funny how God speaks to me.  Or maybe what’s really funny is how I listen?  I told my husband the other day that I had never dreamed about being a writer.  Like, that is what I want to do when I grow up!  Nope….never felt that way.  Writing for me is more about submission and therapy?  I write to submit my thoughts and feelings to God, and ask Him to help me sort through them.  To move from knowledge to wisdom.  Well…hopefully.

 

 

Continue reading “You may be surprised…..”

Advent: Freedom…..

whiskey-typewriter-shutterstock-570x380You know the funniest thing about God?  He wants to talk to us!  I don’t get it…. Why?  If I am who I am and He is who He is…. Why is He so big on trying to communicate with me?

He will speak to me anywhere.  I have a tendency to pop the TV on during my quiet time on a Friday. Funny thing is, whatever I watch, I tend to get something more than I bargained FOR.  Kinda like God won’t let Himself be silenced, even if I am slacking.

This morning I caught a few minutes of “Eat, Pray, Love.”  Now I’ve never seen this whole movie, but I was drawn to the setting and the food they were eating.  As I watched, I got  caught up in the conversations of the characters.  The lead character is eating her way through Italy (dream!) and she says, “I am through with the guilt.”

UnknownI loved it!  We women get so many mixed messages, it’s hard to keep our heads on straight.   Here was a woman who was trying to really live.  Her motivation was not going to be out of a sense of guilt, but out of love. Well for her, the love was for pizza. For me, it is the love of God.  Or better put, the way that God loves me.

If I look to see how I am loved, it is totally, fully and in the complete knowledge of who I am.  There are no secrets between Him and I, He knows it all.  The good, bad and ugly to borrow a phrase.  Even that full knowledge doesn’t dissuade Him from loving me. That is the kind of love that gives a person freedom.

UnknownI struggle with this a lot.  While I believe I am so loved, I have a hard time trusting in it.  While His love is perfect, our worldly version is not.  And that my friends has left a mark.  I still chase after it though.  I want that kind of freedom!  To trust so much in that love, gives me the confidence to become the person He made me to be.  The one that’s inside of me.  The one that I find it hard to let out. The one who laughs too loud, eats too much, cry’s too easily and doesn’t want to wear a mask.  She is kind and just wants to encourage you, whether she knows you or not.  She loves Jesus, but she drinks a little.  She is scared to be vulnerable with you, because she cares what you think.  Her feelings get hurt easily and she lets them hurt.  That’s because it’s either hurt or anger, and she never wants the anger to have life.  I know I am not the only one who wants this freedom.  I see it in myself, and I see it in other women.  I see it in the bible.

 

I was reading about the woman Jesus met by a well.  I see it in her.  When she is face to face with that kind of love, she can’t help but let everyone know.  It doesn’t matter that Jesus knew all about her life, her husbands and the man she was living with.  That love gave her a different perspective.  That Love gave her freedom!!

images-7

So here is to perfect LOVE that gives freedom and the amazing life that comes from it!

Advent: Wider focus….

IMG_7564Where you choose to look, has such an impact on your life.  Yesterday, I did not write.  I was not up as early as I needed to be, and by the time I got home I was tired.  I think I got a little down, and so I got up this morning with purpose to do this morning differently.  But… My first thoughts seemed to be all centered around me, (crazy huh?) so I knew I needed to widen my focus.

Cameras do that.  My hubby takes pictures and he rents different lenses all the time.  I didn’t really get it till he started taking pictures on the same spot with different lenses.  Some lenses produce pictures that make the subject pop, and all the background is really fuzzy.  It is very trendy today, and it is really a cool looking shot.  You can guess what the background is showing, because you see the color and shapes in it, but the real star of the picture is the subject. It is great for pictures, but a horrible way to live life.

I was thinking of me this morning, and it seemed a lot like the picture.  My focus was on me, way too much!  What I have to do, the stresses of life, everyone’s opinion of me, pain, fatigue. Ugh!  Everything else was there, but it was obscured in the background.

IMG_7566So this morning, it is time to put on a different lens.  I really think I need one with a much wider angle. One that will let me see what’s in the background.  The people, activity and the good that He is doing all around me.

Advent: Being mindful….

images-2You know, sometimes this writing part of my life is not easy!  I try to come up with something interesting, or thought provoking, not preachy and above all not too opinionated.  I try to frame what I write as my experience, and hope it either encourages or at least gives someone a different perspective.

It is hard though, because I am pretty opinionated.   I’d like to think that I have some pretty good ideas, because I have common sense, and in some ways I am pretty smart.  So I am thinking my opinions are wise…. Right?   Also, according to my pastor since I am so old, I am a good mentor figure.  (that kills me)

Well over the last few years as social media has exploded, I am less and less impressed with my own opinion.  Why?  Because I am so tired of hearing everyone else’s, I can imagine how people feel hearing mine.  I am lucky though, as I have an easier time holding my tongue than others do.  (don’t get me wrong, I came by this trait the hard way.  But God has taken hurt and made it into a useful part of my life.)

Why did I bring this up?  I really don’t know….I just started writing?  I guess it was the imagesphone call I got last night.  I am typically the one who is messaging or talking to someone to encourage them, but last night the call was for me.  Someone wanted to ask how I was, and check up on me and the family. I appreciated it so much!  And at the end she prayed for me, and it was cool because it showed growth in her faith.

 

 

_DSC9219Why these two topics together?  Well, I guess it’s because I hear much more ”opinion” than encouragement. And since I am like most people, I tend to think we are all looking for more encouragement, love, kindness and lack of judgment than we are looking for another opinion.  So today be mindful of the words you say.  Be a shoulder to lean on, cry on or just be a good listener. Leave your opinions behind, and see how you can be an encouragement to someone today.

Was that a little preachy?  Not sure…… will try better tomorrow.

Advent: Loves a state of mind….

IMG_7051Anyway, as I sat there, in the tiniest seat ever, (ugh)  I was struck by a lyric from the song Rhiannon.  “Dreams unwind, loves a state of mind.”  I am sure I’ve heard that sung a thousand times before, but tonight it kept rolling around in my head.  “Dreams unwind, loves a state of mind.”  The more I thought about it, the more true I knew it was. IMG_0143

Life has a way of changing it up on us.  Taking our plans and making them nothing like we envisioned.  And it’s not “if” life throws you a curve ball, it’s really like “when.”   So when the “when” happens, what are you going to do with it?  When the “dreams unwind,” where do you go from there?

I think many times we just try to wind that same ball right back up. We want to recreate what we were trying to do in the first place.  As I was reading this morning, I was struck by people, their plans, and then God’s plans. They were not always on the same trajectory.  It’s hard! We want what we want, or at least what we think we want.  Life though has a way of unraveling.  The hard part is really not trying to wind it all back together, but giving it up to God. Making His love your “state of mind” and giving Him what’s left to knit together something new.

It’s amazing what you can hear when you’re listening.

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