Women

My Rock

20150330-p3301911-e1428356430678-1240x785 So this weekend I went to the Pinnacles National Park with my hubby and his parents. We were all in their RV and it was wonderful. It is fall, so the park has a total “old west” look to it, which some people may not find the most attractive, but I thought it was gorgeous. The Pinnacles is known for its rock walls, talus caves and California Condors.

The first day that we hiked, we got to the set of caves on the trail and I had to say some quick prayers before I entered. I do not like being closed in or confined, whether it is clothes, under water, airplanes and even caves. I was with my hubby though and I could not hold him back, and to tell you the truth I did not want to hold myself back. So we went into the cave and I did OK, till we finally got to a point where the outside light was no longer visible. It was then that I caught my breath for a moment. To me, this was the place of most danger. The place where I could not get out quickly if I needed too. I mean really? They had just issued an earthquake advisory for Southern California a few days before, and while I was not in the south, we were directly on the San Andreas Fault line. I am a lifelong Californian and we do not typically get advisories like that, so there must be something to it. Right?

Well in the middle of the cave, these thoughts flash through my head quickly. So after hpnm0110 another quick prayer, I turned on my light and followed my hubby. In retrospect, the length of the cave was very short, so I was able to easily get through. So you would think on day two I wouldn’t have any problem with the cave? Think again.

The hike we took the next day was even longer, and took us from one side of the park to the other. It was a wonderful walk enjoying the quiet and the calm of the chaparral. When we reached the cave on this trail, I felt pretty good. I figured that if I could survive the first caves, I could survive this one. I am sure that I said a quick prayer going in, but in looking back it was not enough. We got to the inside of the cave, and it became dark again so we put our headlamps on. I was doing Ok, but we came to a point where the further we got the more uncomfortable I became. It was then we reached a spot where we would could not walk through any more. We had to literally get on hands and knees to climb up a boulder about six feet up, then crawl through an opening that was probably 4 feet wide. Now that is a good amount of room, but to a chicken, any smaller spaces seem very disconcerting. It was at this point that my fear again reared its ugly head. The words were on my lips to tell my hubby that I wanted to turn around, but I couldn’t.

So I started crawling up to the spot where he was sitting, waiting for me. The higher I got, the better I felt. I was cracking up, because I am sure that everyone could hear me. As with each rock I touched I reminded God that He is my “rock” and my “shelter”. Before I knew it, I was through the caves and out on the other side. At that point, my fear seemed a bit silly.

The payoff? Well the other side of the trail was my favorite part of the whole weekend. It was beautiful! There was a “courtyard” on the other side of the caves, surrounded by towering rocks. After such a long hot walk, it was cool, refreshing and awe inspiring. I thought as we continued to walk, that I could have missed it all if I had turned back. I thought about what I wouldn’t have been a part of, if I had let that momentary fear change my direction.

14572759_10209832544864192_8318213139520730873_n I was really encouraged by my experience at the park. I read the bible and the stories of people are very much alive to me. They help me see what God has done in the past, and how He is able to work in a person’s life. To have a more personal reminder though, is even better. It helps me push through that moment of fear and find the courage to keep going. It reminds me that even in the darkest moment, when the problem is all encompassing, an answer may shine through just a step or two away.

October 5, 2016 1

Of men and joy

And so my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful. Proverbs 8:32

So I enjoy being a mom. I am not one of the mom’s that laments the fact that her

img_1056-1 — Not sure where the floating bunny ears came from.

children have grown. I loved them when they were little, but as they grew, each age brought its own joy and pain. I wouldn’t say that I have enjoyed all the stages of their growth, some stages were better than others, but each new screw up brings wisdom. Or so one hopes.

So one of my oldest son was stressing at work the other day, and had sent me a text to pray. It was great, because not only did I pray for him, but I was able to give him some encouragement from a blog I had just written. I love when God gives the answer, even before you knew there was a question. During the conversation, I told him that he should think long and hard about pursuing something that he loved. That he should spend some time dreaming or imagining what it would look like to make that dream a reality.

So the next day I texted him to check out his stress level and he let me know that he was good. Me though, I was a different story. It was a bad day for me, and so by the time I was talking to him, I was finally getting some writing done. It was then that he said he had been thinking about my writing. Since he was contemplating his own dreams, he started thinking about my own pursuit. He asked what kind of writing I wanted to do? He then proceeded to tell me how Prince wrote two songs a day, even though some were never published. He then pointed out how very left-brain my writing seemed to be, and that maybe I needed to use the right side for some short fictional stories. When I told him that I was not sure what I wanted to write, he brought up JK Rowling and how he doubted that she knew exactly what she was writing that first day in the coffee shop.

Our texts finally tapered off and I felt good. He had given me a different perspective, and that seemed to give me some energy. I was able to finish a blog post and it was a little different than others I had posted, so I felt good. Accomplished.

It wasn’t till today that I went back to revisit the texts from my son. I am so used to being the encouraging one, that to be on the receiving end is a different angle for me. It was funny, I don’t think he meant to encourage me, I just think he was asking que img_3126-1 stions. It gives me hope. Not only for myself and the path that I am taking, but for him and his path of growing and learning who God made him to be.
No, I don’t miss those little boys at all. They were adorable and I loved them very much, but it is the men that they are growing into that is so much more exciting. While they still make a lot of mistakes and are not perfect, I can see growth as they continue to learn and gain wisdom. That above all else brings me joy and gives me hope.

September 6, 2016 0

Of Fall and Friends

I was not sure why I looked, but I did. It may be because it is fall. I know, most people just get a pumpkin spice latte, but not me. I become nostalgic. It might have been because yesterday was such a sucky day. I slept badly, and did not write till late in the afternoon. Which means that all the crap that makes my head, spin was not written out and discarded. It just kept rolling around in my mind till it was ready to burst. Yesterday afternoon though, I was able to get out, grab some chai and “throw up” for lack of a better term. I just write down everything in my head and see if I can use any of what is there.

autumn-leaves-smoky-mountains

For some reason this morning, I did not go back to it. I was feeling nostalgic again and so I did look up some information on my elementary school. I was trying to picture people and some of the things that shape my memories. It was then that I looked. In this day and age of the internet you can find just about anyone, or at least some bit of an electronic trace. So during childhood I had many friends on and off, and I still keep in touch with a few. There is one though, that I truly lost touch with. We met during elementary school, continued through Junior high and into the beginning of high school. At some point, we grew apart?

115847-113843 Today for some reason, I Googled her name. OK, so I looked her up through Yahoo, whatever! When her name
came up, so did a lot of pictures. Some were of other people, but then I saw her face. Older, with darker hair but beautiful. I looked into the face of a person that I remember with fondness, I looked into the face of a person that I loved. Now get your minds out of the gutter, not that kind of love. The kind of love you have for a family member that, even though you haven’t seen them for a while, you feel like they had never left your side.

So what do you do when you find someone on the internet? You of course cyber stalk them. Do not get the wrong idea, I was not going to camp out at her house or anything. I went and looked in the usual places for information, FaceBook and Twitter. I looked for pictures of her, of her family, any information as to where she lived and what she was doing after all these years. It was exciting to see that she is an actress. It was something that made sense, in relation to the girl I once knew. I guess the tap, jazz, acrobat and Hawaiian dance lessons had paid off for her. I always laughed when she went through the litany of dance classes she had taken, and even with what I listed, I am probably still missing some of them. As you can imagine, I was a more than a little envious of her training.

autism-puzzle-piece-clip-art-cliparts-co-lilgLt-clipart It makes me happy to know that she is well. I remember long conversations when we were younger, but I don’t remember the details. I cannot put my finger on the why, all I know is what my heart tells me. All I know is that finding out this new information, is like a piece of a puzzle. It all seems to fit. I love fall and the thoughts of old friends.

September 3, 2016 1

I was there once too

So as I was sitting here, thinking about what I wanted to write and I felt frustration. What is this blog for? Maybe it is a blog where I have a million followers and I can actually make a living off of it. Or maybe it is a platform where the lessons I learn are shared, and sought out. Where I write a book that encourages young women, moms, older gals, single ladies and such to seek God and use their gifts to take over the…I mean change the world.

I am not a mommy blogger. My youngest son just turned eighteen, but really has not wanted me to be his mom since he was in Kindergarten. He was the most independent child in a line of four independent boys. I was never a mom that was very involved, and the teachers did not know me by my first name. Don’t get me wrong, those moms are amazing, I was just not one of them.

Am I a Christian blogger? I write a lot about my own faith journey. Sometimes I think it is too serious or boring, and I feel like I am a lot funnier in person. Or at least I think so? So I have been thinking about my “voice” a lot lately. Who am I speaking to? Is it the working woman, the mom, the Christian, the unbeliever, the failure, the dreamer or is it to all of the above?

When you don’t have a particular niche it seems hard to me. No one seems to zero in on a blog where it just talks about… whatever? So what do I know? Well, it is that I am a story teller and an encourager. So I guess I will just end this with a story.

One afternoon I was home with the kids and I went into the kitchen at one point, and saw smoke pouring into that room. I immediately turned around, grabbed all the children, the phone and went outside to call the fire department. It was mostly smoke, and it only caused surface damage, so we were very blessed. Come to find out that our seven year old son lit some matches in the garage next to a mattress. He had only been in the garage for a few minutes, as I had just rounded him up because he was not allowed to play in there. I just did not catch him fast enough. The matches had smoldered and eventually produced a bunch of smoke and a small amount of flame. It was so disheartening to me. My son was a bit of a handful. He always ran everywhere, he never walked. He was always active and had already started to have some trouble with school work. Don’t get me wrong, he did have things going for him. He was always helpful, kind, worked hard, and always had a great attitude.

Well you can imagine, the stress level we had. We were worried about this little guy and how life was going to deal with him. It was one day not too long after the fire when I had a conversation with a pastor at our church. He was in charge of all of our missions at the church, and at that time it was a rather large program. He stopped me though and told me a little about himself. So here was this very well respected pastor, who I totally thought was a wonderful man, and he was telling me what a stinker he was as a child. He said that he had done things like that when he was young too. He encouraged me that my son would grow out of it, that he would do just fine. When I looked at him, I felt hope. If he was a handful as a child, could get through it and be successful, well then so could my son. I am so grateful for the conversation and the encouragement. He also was right. My son did make it through his childhood, not perfectly, and with many struggles. He is still a hard worker, kind and willing to help if he is able. His family means everything to him, and he is an optimistic and encouraging person. Perfect? No. Best trait of all? He is over the whole setting things on fire stage, and now he puts them out. He spends his summers fighting wildfires throughout California. So all of that energy and activity that drove us crazy as a kid, now helps him do his job well.

I think of the women like me who are out there, dealing with crazy little kids in their lives. I just want to tell you, have faith. You can do this and they will make it. I know….I was there once too. Thankful not to be there any longer!

August 18, 2016 0

Stranger things to post….

So I started watching a Netflix program yesterday called Stranger Things. It is one of those original series that they now produce, and I have to admit, I am totally hooked. It is a suspenseful, horror, sci fi kind of series. So basically, stuff I don’t tend to watch. I like suspense, but I stay away from horror, because it is not good for me. This one though had me hooked quickly, and I couldn’t figure out why? I wondered if it was because I so totally related to the setting. It is set in 1980, so I feel like I am looking at my childhood. (or at least Jr. High) The clothes, bikes, cars, homes, music and TV were all so familiar to me. I looked at clothes that I probably wore, and hairstyles that I totally had. In the show, I was in a setting that made so much sense to me. Not like Sesame Street. I know you are thinking, Sesame Street? How did we get here? Continue reading “Stranger things to post….” →

July 19, 2016 1

Right time, right place.

Today was a day of encouragement. Some of it I gave, and some of it I received. The events were nothing spectacular, but it is typically the small things that can have the most impact. This morning, I went to the grocery store, and by the time I came out, my car was in the shade. It was a simple thing, but in the heat of the Central Valley, it provided welcome relief even from this morning’s heat.

When I came home, I had to hurry and get cleaned up, as I had a massage appointment to get to. It was only twenty minutes, but after the stress that I put myself through this week, it was like a little slice of heaven. This week my regular therapist was back from a maternity sabbatical, and I was happy to see her. After my massage, we sat and talked for a few minutes. First she gave me the update about the new baby and the challenges of being a new mom. I told her some of my experiences with the boys, and encouraged her to use her own good sense to make decisions. I advised her to not worry about what other people say she should do, but to take the advice and use her best judgement. I then told her that I had quit my job, and that I was working at blogging and trying to “reinvent” myself. It was then that she was able to give some encouraging words to me. It was a great conversation, and I left feeling better in both body and spirit. Continue reading “Right time, right place.” →

July 17, 2016 0

Tap dance as life.

Viva La Revolution!! And I do not mean some kind of violent upheaval, I mean the spinning around till you get back to the start. That is where I am today, back to getting some tapping done. I am trying to be mindful of everything that is going on in the world, but life goes on. And isn’t that why we continue to address the same issues? Life must go on. I have to work, pay bills, care for my family, exercise, eat right and try to encourage/instruct my children. (still!!)

I was tapping this morning (yikes) and I found that one step was really hard for me, because of one little problem. I was having a hard time with my weight on my heel and bringing my other foot off the floor. It was all a matter of balance. I felt awkward and terribly clumsy, but kept working on it. After thinking it through, watching the video and practicing that one part repeatedly it finally felt better. It probably did not look perfect, but it did feel a little more natural. Continue reading “Tap dance as life.” →

July 13, 2016 1

My Response? Seek Wisdom

So I was thinking this morning, what is my response?

Last week was a rough one for our nation. We started out strong with the celebration of Independence Day, and ended with police and civilians hurt and dying on our streets. During this week, we also saw athletes of all makes and models competing to represent our country in the upcoming Olympic games. So, the highs and lows of being an American were out in force. It is crazy to me sometimes that things like this, the best and worst, can hit right at the same time.

So what is my response? Continue reading “My Response? Seek Wisdom” →

July 12, 2016 0

Happy that no one is watching

So today I am going back to the start. I said that I have typically 20 things going on in my head at one time, so I am trying to clear everything else out and focus on one thing. I have my tap board ready, my shoes and a video of simple instructions. I have to get practicing if I am going to be ready for next year’s National Tap Dance Day.

It has been a couple of weeks since building my board, and trying it out for a fe keep-calm-and-tap-dance-48 w minutes. Why haven’t I stepped back on you ask? Well, this morning I was asking myself the same thing. I thought back over the past couple of weeks, and wondered what happened? What took my excitement away? Where did the drive go to accomplish something new ? I know the whole tap dancing thing seems a little trivial, but it really is a means to deal with other things that are truly not so trivial. Insecurities, health, doubt, fear, fitness and choosing the freedom to live life joyfully.

I look back on the last few weeks, and I see doubt and fear raising their ugly heads. These two monsters have been attacking me with a vengeance. The avenues of attack? It has been finances, writing, back pain and even discouragement. So where is my defense? I got a kick star 280px-Gossamer_restored t from reading the bible, making props for storytelling, helping my husband and reading some Max Lucado. That is all just to stay afloat. I also listened to an author/speaker named John Maxwell, and he was talking about one of his books, “Today Matters”. There was a lot in it, but my quick take away was if you put something off until tomorrow, it is more than likely it will never get done.

I have been legitimately busy, but I noticed that this was the only thing that I kept putting off day after day. That caught my attention. I always put off doing what I don’t like, is hardest or most uncomfortable for me. It is a pattern. So when I see this, I know I have to attack it. So here I am, ready to wage war on my fear and insecurity through the art of dance. OK, I use the word art and dance very loosely. You have heard the saying, “Dance like no one is watching.” Well I can tell you, I have never been more thankful that no one is watching.

June 24, 2016 3

Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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