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Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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Enjoying the joy!

So today I was thinking, I haven’t written in my blog in a couple of days.  How can I be a writer if I don’t write?    Since my blog is typically the things that I see God teaching me, I was kinda stressed that I did not have anything to write about.  Is He ignoring me?  Am I ignoring Him?  I then took a good look at my week and calmed down.

I have been working on a children’s story that I wrote about eight years ago, so I really haven’t been idle, but   it is hard though when there is no feedback.  When I write in the blog, I at least feel like I accomplish something when I hit the post button.  Editing a story, is much less satisfying.  I am telling you, every day is a battle in my own brain.

This evening though, I felt that my mind is in a better pla63419-keep-calm-and-love-cookingce.  How do I know?  Well it has to do with some of the other things I have been doing this week.  I have been doing some deep cleaning in my kitchen, tap dancing and cooking.   Why are these things important?  Well if I am not writing, I feel guilty.  When I feel guilty, I start getting fearful, I doubt and have a hard time being productive in anything I am doing.  This week though, I tried to find some balance.  The balance that I need between writing, taking care of my family, working on my own insecurities and trying to be who I think God wants me to be.  I am not sure if I got the balance right this week, but I feel like I made a better attempt.

It then hit me that God had been speaking to me this week, I just needed all of the pieces to come together to see it.   He gave me a vision of what my life can look like, when I am not living in the land of doubt and fear.  When I choose to live like I say I believe, and trust Him.  From the outside it may not look really different, but to the inside of me, it is like night and day.

But make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness.  Psalm 51:11 NLT

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Of men and joy

And so my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful.  Proverbs 8:32

So I enjoy being a mom.   I am not one of the mom’s that laments the fact that her

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Not sure where the floating bunny ears came from.

children have grown.  I loved them when they were little, but as they grew, each age brought its own joy and pain.  I wouldn’t say that I have enjoyed all the stages of their growth, some stages were better than others, but each new screw up brings wisdom.  Or so one hopes.

So one of my oldest son was stressing at work the other day, and had sent me a text to pray.  It was great, because not only did I pray for him, but I was able to give him some encouragement from a blog I had just written. I love when God gives the answer, even before you knew there was a question.  During the conversation, I told him that he should think long and hard about pursuing something that he loved.  That he should spend some time dreaming or imagining what it would look like to make that dream a reality.

So the next day I texted him to check out his stress level and he let me know that he was good.  Me though, I was a different story.  It was a bad day for me, and so by the time I was talking to him, I was finally getting some writing done.  It was then that he said he had been thinking about my writing.  Since he was contemplating his own dreams, he started thinking about my own pursuit.  He asked what kind of writing I wanted to do?  He then proceeded to tell me how Prince wrote two songs a day, even though some were never published.  He then pointed out how very left-brain my writing seemed to be, and that maybe I needed to use the right side for some short fictional stories.  When I told him that I was not sure what I wanted to write, he brought up JK Rowling and how he doubted that she knew exactly what she was writing that first day in the coffee shop.

Our texts finally tapered off and I felt good.  He had given me a different perspective, and that seemed to give me some energy.  I was able to finish a blog post and it was a little different than others I had posted, so I felt good.  Accomplished.

It wasn’t till today that I went back to revisit the texts from my son.  I am so used to being the encouraging one, that to be on the receiving end is a different angle for me.  It was funny, I don’t think he meant to encourage me, I just think he was asking queimg_3126-1stions.  It gives me hope.  Not only for myself and the path that I am taking, but for him and his path of growing and learning who God made him to be.
No, I don’t miss those little boys at all.  They were adorable and I loved them very much, but it is the men that they are growing into that is so much more exciting.   While they still make a lot of mistakes and are not perfect, I can see growth as they continue to learn and gain wisdom.  That above all else brings me joy and gives me hope.

 

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Of Fall and Friends

I was not sure why I looked, but I did.  It may be because it is fall.  I know, most people just get a pumpkin spice latte, but not me.  I become nostalgic.  It might have been because yesterday was such a sucky day.  I slept badly, and did not write till late in the afternoon.  Which means that all the crap that makes my head, spin was not written out and discarded.  It just kept rolling around in my mind till it was ready to burst.  Yesterday afternoon though, I was able to get out, grab some chai and “throw up” for lack of a better term.  I just write down everything in my head and see if I can use any of what is there.

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For some reason this morning, I did not go back to it.  I was feeling nostalgic again and so I did look up some information on my elementary school.  I was trying to picture people and some of the things that shape my memories.  It was then that I looked.  In this day and age of the internet you can find just about anyone, or at least some bit of an electronic trace.  So during childhood I had many friends on and off, and I still keep in touch with a few.  There is one though, that I truly lost touch with. We met during elementary school, continued through Junior high and into the beginning of high school. At some point, we grew apart?

115847-113843Today for some reason, I Googled her name.  OK, so I looked her up through Yahoo, whatever!  When her name
came up, so did a lot of pictures.  Some were of other people, but then I saw her face.  Older, with darker hair but beautiful.  I looked into the face of a person that I remember with fondness, I looked into the face of a person that I loved.  Now get your minds out of the gutter, not that kind of love.   The kind of love you have for a family member that, even though you haven’t seen them for a while, you feel like they had never left your side.

So what do you do when you find someone on the internet?  You of course cyber stalk them.  Do not get the wrong idea, I was not going to camp out at her house or anything.  I went and looked in the usual places for information, FaceBook and Twitter.  I looked for pictures of her, of her family, any information as to where she lived and what she was doing after all these years.  It was exciting to see that she is an actress.  It was something that made sense, in relation to the girl I once knew.  I guess the tap, jazz, acrobat and Hawaiian dance lessons had paid off for her.  I always laughed when she went through the litany of dance classes she had taken, and even with what I listed, I am probably still missing some of them.  As you can imagine, I was a more than a little envious of her training.

autism-puzzle-piece-clip-art-cliparts-co-lilgLt-clipartIt makes me happy to know that she is well.  I remember long conversations when we were younger, but I don’t remember the details.  I cannot put my finger on the why, all I know is what my heart tells me.  All I know is that finding out this new information, is like a piece of a puzzle.  It all seems to fit.   I love fall and the thoughts of old friends.

 

 

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Influencing faith?

Ok…so there is some crazy things about this whole writing gig.  I have a love hate relationship with it.  I love when I am done.  When I feel like what I wanted to say is clear, it honors God and is not too embarrassing about myself.  If I hit all three ofwhiskey-typewriter-shutterstock-570x380
those criteria, I am ecstatic.  I feel like I am doing what God is calling me to do.  To make it even better, if I can get a catchy last line to sum it all up, I treat myself to some ice cream.  When I am working through something though, I cannot stand it.  Maybe this is why some writers drink so much?   Maybe I should skip the ice cream and move on to scotch?  No.

At first, I am typically inspired by something that happens, but as I continue to write, I feel inept, unsure and have no idea why God is calling me to write anything?  It is weird.  It is why I try to write as fast as I can, so that I can finish it quickly while I still feel the excitement of that first discovery. how-often-blog-why-blogging-writing-ideasWell today I was not so much inspired, but compelled.  You see I was cruising my FaceBook, cuz ya know I have the dreaded disease, FOMO.  Fear of missing out.  So instead of just attacking my lap top to write I start scrolling, and at times it stresses me out.  So why do I do it?  FOMO.  Anyway, I was reading a post by a blogger, who was talking about a Christian blogger who had posted that she was separating from her spouse.  OK, so that is guaranteed to get my attention.  Neither of these bloggers are anyone that I “follow”(man I hate that term) but I know I have read posts by them before.   So because I am like a cat, totally curious, I went to the post where she announces her separation to see what she wrote.  OK, to tell you the truth, I just skimmed it.  She is not someone that I know personally or follow, so her decision does not produce any other emotion than just heart break for her situation.  What I did think was ironic is her new book that was just being released.   It was about her marriage, the problems they had and how they have walked through it.  It was then I wondered about the influence she hoped to have with women, and how this new turn in her story affected that?

I really wondered about this whole online community thing, especially since I am trying to wiggle my way into it.  Is it a good way to influence people?  Is it bad?  I am not sure what the answers are to the questions, but it reminded me of how I want my online presence to be perceived.  I am not here to tell people what to do, or even what I think God is telling them to do.  There is more than enough of that already. (My hubby and kids can ignore this part, I am so totally here to tell them what to do)   I am not here to say that I have the answers to any aspect of life.  All I am here to do is relay what God is teaching me.  That being a Christian can look pretty messy, but it is a lovely mess.  I am here to tell my story, and the simple ways that God speaks to me in my boring everyday life.  It is a glimpse of what faith looks like for me, but it is not necessarily a template for what it should look like for you.  What I am thankful for most in my life, is what I want to encourage everyone to seek.  Their own faith.  God is good, and if you seek Him you better believe you are going to find Him.   Just don’t be shocked by where He might show up.

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If you agree, disagree, I have irritated you or made you think, leave me a comment.  I would be interested to hear any feedback on the topic or how it was written.   Thanks!

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Holding on…

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  Genesis 32:26b

These past few weeks I have been watching a lot of the Olympics.  I have not sat down for long stretches of time, but if I was able to catch a few minutes, I did.  One of those times included watching the end of a wrestling match between Russia and Uzbekistan.  At the end of the match, the Uzbek athlete lost, and proceeded to lay in the middle of the mat inconsolable.  The referee or umpire or whatever they are called in wrestling, stood there offering a hand that was ignored.  Finally, after what seemed a long time, he got up and stood there as the other athlete was called the winner.  I made note of his actions, and didn’t think of them again until today.

I have been listening to a sermon podcast from church, and that is what brought the wrestler back to mind.  Why?  Well, after listening to this sermon, I really could relate to the guy on the mat.  It was like if he stayed on the mat, then the match wasn’t really over.  As he laid there, I wondered what was going through his mind?  Maybe he was wrestling with his own emotions and thoughts.  Then when he could bear the outcome, he was finally able to get up.  It gave me a better picture of the story of Jacob and the night he wrestled with God.  Even better than that, the whole story seemed to give me a better picture of my own wrestling with God.

Here is the quick rundown.  Esau and Jacob were brothers, and Esau being the oldest was in line for the birthright and blessing from his father.  These two brothers had two different mothers so there were a whole bunch of dysfunctional family dynamics going on.  What winds up happening is that Jacob manipulates the situation and steals both the birthright and blessing.  At that point Esau is mad as all get out and vows to kill his brother, so Jacob runs away.

While Jacob is gone, God guides him and blesses him, but It is not always pretty.  He gets conned by his father in law, Laban.  Then he is able to do some conning of his own, since he had been taken advantage of.  God eventually tells him to return home, back to the land of his father and grandfather, where God promises to be with him.  Jacob is now husband to two wives, baby daddy to two servants and father to many children.  He came home very wealthy as he had flocks of many animals and lots of servants.

One thing he did not have was the knowledge of what waited for him at home.  Would Esau welcome him?  Would he still be calling for Jacobs blood? Jacob was terrified.  So what does he do?  Well he reminds God of all the promises that He made to Jacob and his family.  The one’s where God said He would protect Jacob if he returned home, and that He would multiply Jacob’s descendants until they were as many as the sand on the beach.   So Jacob then slept peacefully reminded of all God’s promises, right? Continue reading “Holding on…” →

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