So today I was thinking, I haven’t written in my blog in a couple of days. How can I be a writer if I don’t write? Since my blog is typically the things that I see God teaching me, I was kinda stressed that I did not have anything to write about. Is He ignoring me? Am I ignoring Him? I then took a good look at my week and calmed down.
I have been working on a children’s story that I wrote about eight years ago, so I really haven’t been idle, but it is hard though when there is no feedback. When I write in the blog, I at least feel like I accomplish something when I hit the post button. Editing a story, is much less satisfying. I am telling you, every day is a battle in my own brain.
This evening though, I felt that my mind is in a better place. How do I know? Well it has to do with some of the other things I have been doing this week. I have been doing some deep cleaning in my kitchen, tap dancing and cooking. Why are these things important? Well if I am not writing, I feel guilty. When I feel guilty, I start getting fearful, I doubt and have a hard time being productive in anything I am doing. This week though, I tried to find some balance. The balance that I need between writing, taking care of my family, working on my own insecurities and trying to be who I think God wants me to be. I am not sure if I got the balance right this week, but I feel like I made a better attempt.
It then hit me that God had been speaking to me this week, I just needed all of the pieces to come together to see it. He gave me a vision of what my life can look like, when I am not living in the land of doubt and fear. When I choose to live like I say I believe, and trust Him. From the outside it may not look really different, but to the inside of me, it is like night and day.
But make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness. Psalm 51:11 NLT