So yesterday, I let myself get a little lost while going to work.  I live in a small town in Central California that is like a suburb.  Around it though are miles of fields, farms and orchards.  I used to drive the highway over to the next town, but have started taking a more rural route, because it is calming.  Less cars, more green and so many things to look at.  There is still the occasional speed demon roaring down the road, maybe even a tractor that slows things down, but all in all a much more pleasurable drive.  As I drove, I thought about the night before, and about the things that strengthen us.  The little messages that give us hope.

I was exhausted when I got home from work.  It was such a busy day, and my brain was fried.  I relaxed for a while, had a conversation with a friendly face and watched a little television to try and relax.  When it was time for bed though, I could not sleep.  Lack of sleep is not good for anyone, but for me it is a death knell.  It makes me very cranky, and when I am cranky, I tend to get very angry, very fast.  That though, is for a different blog entry.  My husband was already snoring away, after his own bout of not sleeping well the night before, and I just laid there, feeling fully awake.  Thinking, not sleeping.  My mind seemed to still be awake, but I can’t really remember what I was thinking.  Just too many thoughts at one time.   I do remember having at least a moment of frustration about this blog.  The who, why and what would come of it?  It was at that point that I was now fully awake.  So I got out of bed and I will admit, I took a little swig of cough syrup.  I knew that it was not the optimum way for me to go to sleep, but I was desperate.  This girl needs sleep more than food, and I was fearful of what the next day would bring if I did not get the rest I needed.

I sat up for a while waiting for the drugs to kick in, and I opened up a new book I am reading called, Start by John Acuff.  I am horrible with my finances, so years ago I started to listen and use some of Dave Ramsey’s material on getting your finances in order.  Anyway, he recommended this book to people on the radio and his website, so when I saw one at the thrift store, I bought it.  Yes, I am one of those.  I have a wonderful relationship with thrift stores and garage sales, but again, that is an entry for another day.  So as I sat down to read it, I was immediately hooked.  Why?  He started out writing in a blog!  It was a stepping stone for him, a way to move forward.  Now, what do I think will happen?  Who knows?  To see someone though using a blog as a means to an end, well that gave me hope.  Hope that something may actually happen with what I am doing. That God may really have some kind of purpose for me doing this, not just to drive me crazy.   A hope that some of my more daring dreams, could be realized through this first step.  What may those dreams be you ask?  Well, I don’t know you well enough.  Truth be told, I have only recently  shared with my husband the path I would like this to lead down.  We are back to that whole hiding in the closet thing again.  And at this point, I think I have only stuck a toe out.   It is a toe though, that I would say is finally pointing in the right direction.

At this point, if I were truly feeling daring and truthful,  I would take a stylish picture of my toe and post it.  That will never happen though,  no matter how far I come out of the closet, as I have some pretty ugly feet.