As I closed the door to the office, I wondered if it was a message to me. I had gone there to pitch myself for a job. It was almost exactly two years ago, and I was feeling a pull for something else. What was that something else, I wasn’t sure? So when you feel that pull, where do you go? To your pastor. Or your BFF, your therapist, the dog or maybe even the local bartender. I am a God kind of girl, so I went to the pastor first. I don’t have a dog, nor a therapist and I was keeping the bartender for the end as my method of last resort. They had plans, a new vision. So as I spoke to one and then another, I asked the question to myself, do their plans include me? It was on that second visit that I remember the door.
I was leaving their office, which is located in a converted home. Being the somewhat timid person I am, I turned around and quietly shut the door, as to not make a loud exit. It was then that the door caught my attention. It closed, as doors tend to do. It was then I thought, is this my answer? Even though we had an excellent meeting, the door closing made an impression. We always pray for a door to be closed to help us make decisions. Our problem is when we see it closed, we then try to slide in through the mail slot.
I think of that door often, when I get frustrated. I have a picture in my mind of that day, as I stood there watching it close. I guess that was not the way for me. So here I am sitting, writing and trying in my own way to open my own door.
to preschoolers. Today I went and started to get our sets “built”, more like taped together, for the stories. I was happy to have one of our students come out and help me today. I had a picture from Pinterest of what I was looking for, but after showing her that, I gave her free reign to create. I think she did a fantastic job. It is a really cute whale….my pic is not so good though.
I was not in a rush, so it was not a big deal if it took a little longer. They young lady in front of me had her items separated and the corresponding voucher ready. The transaction started off well enough, but one of the vouchers was not valid yet, so it threw her whole system off. She apologized to me, and I brushed it off. I gave her a smile, and told her not to worry at all. By this time I did have a few more patrons behind me, but it really was not taking that long. I guess it felt long to her. She was going to pay some with cash, but it came down at one point where she was short just some change. Before I could even think of how to help, the checker quickly brushed it off and told her to not worry about it. She said that people leave change all the time. By this time the young lady was shedding some tears. I reached out and touched her arm, and told her that it was OK. She kept quietly apologizing all the while tearing up. The checker was so sweet, as she reassured this yo
she has for me that I am waiting for. The crumbly hard shapes that fill my stomach and nourish me. It is not what I am used to, nor is it the way my story started. I once had a home, a place where I belonged. I was born there, I lived and was happy. The change happened so abruptly, as if it was a dream. One day I was beloved in a happy family, and the next I was a wandering soul enduring the heat and unknown. I am growing accustomed to my new life. It is not without peace, but it is just hard. Trying to find food, water, shelter and protection from the world. I used to have that, before that day, and I hope to find that again. Each new day is a victory, it means that I have survived to see another sunrise. It means that the memories of the goodness of life, have not been overshadowed by the pain. With each new sunrise comes the newest opportunity to be strong, to love and to show others that they can survive this life too.
and I were stumped? It might have been one of our children, or maybe even left by the previous owner. My husband then decided that some plywood he had could be used for my board. It was just the right size, and didn’t even have to be cut. The only item I had to purchase was some gorilla glue. So for under $5.00, I have my tap board. With that board, I will get some exercise, learn something new, live joyfully and continue to work on unpeeling the onion that is my life. Except now, I will be doing it to a different beat.
It was then I realized that I was probably feeling something. What though was the question? Gene is my youngest, so him graduating is something of a watershed moment for me. I mean, he really hasn’t paid attention to me for years, so there is really is not much difference in our relationship. All of my boys are pretty independent, but Gene was that way from a very early age. I will now be a mother to four men, instead of four boys. That makes me happy. I do not miss those boys, because they have grown into men that I like. They are not perfect, but they have qualities that make me thankful. They are loyal, love their family, love God and are more than willing to help a friend in need. Even to their own detriment. While we have made mistakes in raising them, they love us like we were the most perfect of parents. So today as we celebrate this graduation day I wanted to say to all of my men; Scott, Bob, Matt and Geno, I love you. You make me the happiest mom in the history of time!
Cheryl Mendoza 