christian

Holding on…

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Genesis 32:26b

These past few weeks I have been watching a lot of the Olympics. I have not sat down for long stretches of time, but if I was able to catch a few minutes, I did. One of those times included watching the end of a wrestling match between Russia and Uzbekistan. At the end of the match, the Uzbek athlete lost, and proceeded to lay in the middle of the mat inconsolable. The referee or umpire or whatever they are called in wrestling, stood there offering a hand that was ignored. Finally, after what seemed a long time, he got up and stood there as the other athlete was called the winner. I made note of his actions, and didn’t think of them again until today.

I have been listening to a sermon podcast from church, and that is what brought the wrestler back to mind. Why? Well, after listening to this sermon, I really could relate to the guy on the mat. It was like if he stayed on the mat, then the match wasn’t really over. As he laid there, I wondered what was going through his mind? Maybe he was wrestling with his own emotions and thoughts. Then when he could bear the outcome, he was finally able to get up. It gave me a better picture of the story of Jacob and the night he wrestled with God. Even better than that, the whole story seemed to give me a better picture of my own wrestling with God.

Here is the quick rundown. Esau and Jacob were brothers, and Esau being the oldest was in line for the birthright and blessing from his father. These two brothers had two different mothers so there were a whole bunch of dysfunctional family dynamics going on. What winds up happening is that Jacob manipulates the situation and steals both the birthright and blessing. At that point Esau is mad as all get out and vows to kill his brother, so Jacob runs away.

While Jacob is gone, God guides him and blesses him, but It is not always pretty. He gets conned by his father in law, Laban. Then he is able to do some conning of his own, since he had been taken advantage of. God eventually tells him to return home, back to the land of his father and grandfather, where God promises to be with him. Jacob is now husband to two wives, baby daddy to two servants and father to many children. He came home very wealthy as he had flocks of many animals and lots of servants.

One thing he did not have was the knowledge of what waited for him at home. Would Esau welcome him? Would he still be calling for Jacobs blood? Jacob was terrified. So what does he do? Well he reminds God of all the promises that He made to Jacob and his family. The one’s where God said He would protect Jacob if he returned home, and that He would multiply Jacob’s descendants until they were as many as the sand on the beach. So Jacob then slept peacefully reminded of all God’s promises, right? Continue reading “Holding on…” →

August 26, 2016 0

I was there once too

So as I was sitting here, thinking about what I wanted to write and I felt frustration. What is this blog for? Maybe it is a blog where I have a million followers and I can actually make a living off of it. Or maybe it is a platform where the lessons I learn are shared, and sought out. Where I write a book that encourages young women, moms, older gals, single ladies and such to seek God and use their gifts to take over the…I mean change the world.

I am not a mommy blogger. My youngest son just turned eighteen, but really has not wanted me to be his mom since he was in Kindergarten. He was the most independent child in a line of four independent boys. I was never a mom that was very involved, and the teachers did not know me by my first name. Don’t get me wrong, those moms are amazing, I was just not one of them.

Am I a Christian blogger? I write a lot about my own faith journey. Sometimes I think it is too serious or boring, and I feel like I am a lot funnier in person. Or at least I think so? So I have been thinking about my “voice” a lot lately. Who am I speaking to? Is it the working woman, the mom, the Christian, the unbeliever, the failure, the dreamer or is it to all of the above?

When you don’t have a particular niche it seems hard to me. No one seems to zero in on a blog where it just talks about… whatever? So what do I know? Well, it is that I am a story teller and an encourager. So I guess I will just end this with a story.

One afternoon I was home with the kids and I went into the kitchen at one point, and saw smoke pouring into that room. I immediately turned around, grabbed all the children, the phone and went outside to call the fire department. It was mostly smoke, and it only caused surface damage, so we were very blessed. Come to find out that our seven year old son lit some matches in the garage next to a mattress. He had only been in the garage for a few minutes, as I had just rounded him up because he was not allowed to play in there. I just did not catch him fast enough. The matches had smoldered and eventually produced a bunch of smoke and a small amount of flame. It was so disheartening to me. My son was a bit of a handful. He always ran everywhere, he never walked. He was always active and had already started to have some trouble with school work. Don’t get me wrong, he did have things going for him. He was always helpful, kind, worked hard, and always had a great attitude.

Well you can imagine, the stress level we had. We were worried about this little guy and how life was going to deal with him. It was one day not too long after the fire when I had a conversation with a pastor at our church. He was in charge of all of our missions at the church, and at that time it was a rather large program. He stopped me though and told me a little about himself. So here was this very well respected pastor, who I totally thought was a wonderful man, and he was telling me what a stinker he was as a child. He said that he had done things like that when he was young too. He encouraged me that my son would grow out of it, that he would do just fine. When I looked at him, I felt hope. If he was a handful as a child, could get through it and be successful, well then so could my son. I am so grateful for the conversation and the encouragement. He also was right. My son did make it through his childhood, not perfectly, and with many struggles. He is still a hard worker, kind and willing to help if he is able. His family means everything to him, and he is an optimistic and encouraging person. Perfect? No. Best trait of all? He is over the whole setting things on fire stage, and now he puts them out. He spends his summers fighting wildfires throughout California. So all of that energy and activity that drove us crazy as a kid, now helps him do his job well.

I think of the women like me who are out there, dealing with crazy little kids in their lives. I just want to tell you, have faith. You can do this and they will make it. I know….I was there once too. Thankful not to be there any longer!

August 18, 2016 0

Looking for Harmony

I went to a bible study this morning, and I think there was some shock that I was there. This was actually my second time there and when I walked in the first time, it was quite a surprise. I was by the far the youngest person in the room. I would say that most of them were a good 20 years older than me, and retired. Grandchildren and great grandchildren was their reality, mine is just finishing getting my children out of the house.

So I sat, and they were all introduced to me and I to them. It was funny, and while I felt a bit out of place, they were all more than kind to me. After the study, I was not sure if I would go back. It had more to do with how they ran the study, than anything else, but I had decided to go at least the one more time before their August break.

So today, I walked into the class and was warmly greeted by all. After the class, I made conversation with one of the ladies as she had asked prayer for her daughter and a job decision that was coming up. From the way she spoke, I assumed her daughter lived in the bay area, and since that is where I am from, it gave me an “in” to have a conversation. We spoke of her daughter, where she lived and the decision she would be soon making. It was a nice conversation, and I was glad that I had found an opening to speak with her.

At that point, the teacher of the group walked out with me and made a comment that made me smile. She handed me the binder of study materials that they were using and said that it was OK if I did not come back. She said it nicely, and I know it was because she recognized that this group was not my peers, and not out of a desire to get me out of the group. Whatever my feelings were before, by that time, I knew I would be back. Really, how could I not? This is a group of women that I could learn from, and like I told her, I might teach them a thing or two also.

Meeting these ladies also fits into the scheme of the new me. I want to be challenged by who I know, and seek out those who ha images-1 ve a different experience than I do. I want to hear their stories, and see from their perspective. This is important to me. Why? I think it is so I can meet people where they are, and not where I think they should be. I think that is a lot of the problem with the world. We expect everyone to be like….well us.

Everyone thinks we need to be unified, but I don’t like to think in terms of unity, but more like harmony. Unity seems like sameness to me, and I know that in our ways of thinking many of us are not the same. I like to think more in terms of harmony. We are singing different parts, that look and sound awfully different. All of us singing with the same goal 9165c3e52b881ae39233a13d8c8df74d in mind. It may sound a bit discordant when you take each part separately, but when it is all put together by a Master Conductor, we get something that is beyond what we could ever imagine. I cannot wait to hear their stories, and seek out the harmony that He creates

August 11, 2016 4

Eat, Rest and Seek

So my son called last night. He calls when things are really good, or when they are really stressful. So last night’s call was because of stress. It has to do with his living situation and some from his job, so he was calling for some encouragement and direction. Funny thing was, I gave him the same advice that I always do. Why? It is the only thing that works for me, and he is my son, and the apple don’t fall far from the tree. Lord help him! So what did I tell him? Do good things for yourself!

When I mean good things, I am always talking about the same three things. Rest, food and some spiritual nourishment. It is amazing what I can handle when I am fed, rested and got some God in me. Likewise, when I am low on those three, it is amazing to see what I cannot handle. Even the simplest of days become too hard to handle. It is scary how weak I can actually be? Continue reading “Eat, Rest and Seek” →

August 3, 2016 3

Stranger things to post….

So I started watching a Netflix program yesterday called Stranger Things. It is one of those original series that they now produce, and I have to admit, I am totally hooked. It is a suspenseful, horror, sci fi kind of series. So basically, stuff I don’t tend to watch. I like suspense, but I stay away from horror, because it is not good for me. This one though had me hooked quickly, and I couldn’t figure out why? I wondered if it was because I so totally related to the setting. It is set in 1980, so I feel like I am looking at my childhood. (or at least Jr. High) The clothes, bikes, cars, homes, music and TV were all so familiar to me. I looked at clothes that I probably wore, and hairstyles that I totally had. In the show, I was in a setting that made so much sense to me. Not like Sesame Street. I know you are thinking, Sesame Street? How did we get here? Continue reading “Stranger things to post….” →

July 19, 2016 1

Right time, right place.

Today was a day of encouragement. Some of it I gave, and some of it I received. The events were nothing spectacular, but it is typically the small things that can have the most impact. This morning, I went to the grocery store, and by the time I came out, my car was in the shade. It was a simple thing, but in the heat of the Central Valley, it provided welcome relief even from this morning’s heat.

When I came home, I had to hurry and get cleaned up, as I had a massage appointment to get to. It was only twenty minutes, but after the stress that I put myself through this week, it was like a little slice of heaven. This week my regular therapist was back from a maternity sabbatical, and I was happy to see her. After my massage, we sat and talked for a few minutes. First she gave me the update about the new baby and the challenges of being a new mom. I told her some of my experiences with the boys, and encouraged her to use her own good sense to make decisions. I advised her to not worry about what other people say she should do, but to take the advice and use her best judgement. I then told her that I had quit my job, and that I was working at blogging and trying to “reinvent” myself. It was then that she was able to give some encouraging words to me. It was a great conversation, and I left feeling better in both body and spirit. Continue reading “Right time, right place.” →

July 17, 2016 0

Tap dance as life.

Viva La Revolution!! And I do not mean some kind of violent upheaval, I mean the spinning around till you get back to the start. That is where I am today, back to getting some tapping done. I am trying to be mindful of everything that is going on in the world, but life goes on. And isn’t that why we continue to address the same issues? Life must go on. I have to work, pay bills, care for my family, exercise, eat right and try to encourage/instruct my children. (still!!)

I was tapping this morning (yikes) and I found that one step was really hard for me, because of one little problem. I was having a hard time with my weight on my heel and bringing my other foot off the floor. It was all a matter of balance. I felt awkward and terribly clumsy, but kept working on it. After thinking it through, watching the video and practicing that one part repeatedly it finally felt better. It probably did not look perfect, but it did feel a little more natural. Continue reading “Tap dance as life.” →

July 13, 2016 1

My Response? Seek Wisdom

So I was thinking this morning, what is my response?

Last week was a rough one for our nation. We started out strong with the celebration of Independence Day, and ended with police and civilians hurt and dying on our streets. During this week, we also saw athletes of all makes and models competing to represent our country in the upcoming Olympic games. So, the highs and lows of being an American were out in force. It is crazy to me sometimes that things like this, the best and worst, can hit right at the same time.

So what is my response? Continue reading “My Response? Seek Wisdom” →

July 12, 2016 0

Where is justice?

So today as I watch the news and watch officer involved shootings, I am…? I am not even sure. I am angry and upset. I am so sad that families will be going through the emotional roller coaster, that is now their new normal. I am tired of seeing the same bad decision making, incident after incident.

I called my son, because I knew he would be angry. As I spoke with him, I tried to work through what I was thinking, while giving him what I hoped would be wisdom. So I told my son that the best way we can do something at this point would be personal. (At this point, I had a whole paragraph of some of the things that I think need to be addressed, but trying to keep opinion out and see what God teaches me through this.) Continue reading “Where is justice?” →

July 7, 2016 3

Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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