Cheryl Mendoza

Uvalde.  When these things happen we say a lot of things.  We are shocked and saddened, but do we really take the time to mourn?  For a few days, let’s try that.  Let’s just mourn together. I know as American’s we really hate the whole death/mourning thing.  We are all so focused on moving on, and maybe that’s part of the problem.  Instead, let our collective shock and sadness be our common ground.  Let the pain of the victims families and the pain in our communities move us to resolve, that no one should know this pain again!

I get it, no one wants to sit in that pain for any amount of time.  Until we all do, I wonder if we will ever find the common ground needed to make a real difference. Let’s not start debating immediately. All that happens then is the defenses come up and nothings happens.  We need to take a long look in the mirror, grieve together and seek wisdom from above.  All of us can agree that this should be the last school shooting ever! No one ever wants this to happen again, yet it seems we refuse to stay united in our grief.  It seems we’re more worried about our own rights, than the lives of others.  Than the lives of children…..

May God grant us mercy and wisdom……To which we say Amen. 

Being an introvert, sometimes it’s hard to remember that I really like people, and enjoy simply being with others.  And on Saturday, it was even better, since we were eating too!  I have joined in a small group from my church.  It has now been over two years, and it is becoming more and more a group of people that bring me joy!  Since the church was having a mens breakfast and the guys from our group would be going to that,  we ladies decided to get together for breakfast too.  

It was great!  We ate, talked and enjoyed killing a few hours on a Saturday morning with each other.   I barely had time to ponder the time we spent together, when Mike was home and ready to go for a drive.  He has joined an online photography challenge, so every week he has a different assignment and wanted my company as he searched out inspiration.  So we drove, and I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.  

We wound up at  Colonel Allensworth State Historical Park, just south of Corcoran on highway 43.  As we walked around, I was just happy to be outside enjoying the day.  The sky had some clouds, giving it some interest and the air was cool.  It rained recently, so the grass was green and there were swaths of small wildflowers  carpeting areas around the buildings.  From there I could see the snow on the Sierra’s through the haze.  As I admired the view I had, I could imagine what it would have been like just a little over 100 years ago.  

I could imagine the people in those houses, and the troubles, trials and possibly outright horror they may have already faced in their lives.  In Allensworth though, I wondered what did they find?  Was this finally a place where they had safety and peace?  A place where their children would be educated? A place where they could work hard and be rewarded for that work?  The town did not survive, but it wasn’t because of the community within, but the forces from without.  What would have happened if those forces had worked for and not against Allensworth?   What more amazing things would have been a part of their story?  

The older I get, the more I know that we are all the same. We all look for that place where our families will be safe, our children will be educated well, and we can achieve whatever we dare to dream.   All of this happens in the midst of community.  The people you work with, the children in our schools, the teller, cashier and the sanitation worker.  All of them, your neighbors.  And where goes one part of the community, more than likely will go all.  So …… where do we want to go?   

This weekend reminded me so much that I want it all…. For my family, those I know and for our community to thrive!  And I am grateful because I believe that that God has put enough “thrive” in this world for all of us.  I don’t have to hold on to mine so tightly afraid to lose it to someone else.  So if you look and don’t see yourself, don’t feel discouraged, your community is out there!  It may take some searching, but you can do it!  Go out and find them.  And when you do hold on tight, because your world will be open to so many new possibilities!  And in the end, your life and the lives in our community will be better for it! 

I am looking forward to Christmas.  I am looking forward to Joy!  I was in a bad way the other day.  I’ve found it very hard lately to write.  God made me the person I am and when I can’t be that person, I tend to get really quiet.  Because of that…I can’t write.  

Why was I in a bad way?  Well I feel like the people who should be salt and light, well….. aren’t.  We sound just like the rest of the world.  Opinionated, angry, judgemental, side choosing, and prideful.  It hurt, and it made me feel out of place.  Even worse, since I don’t like either the hurt or the out of place feeling, I got prideful.  I got angry.  Those two things go hand in hand for me, and because they do, I know I am not in the space where God wants me.  When that happens, I know it is time to SHUT UP,  and that is not where God wants me either.  

My pastor said something to the effect of who have you not shown grace to?   I knew immediately who that was in my life, but I wasn’t really ready to do anything about it until I stuck my nose in the book of Joel.  Such a small book in the bible, but so much for me to wrap my head around.  

The land is stripped bare.  There is no grain or wine to offer a sacrifice to God.  Times are beyond hard, but in this small book,  Joel is the messenger calling the people to repentance.  “Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Joel 2:13.  It’s funny….I had been thinking of how people used to wear sackcloth and ashes to reflect an inner mourning.  I wanted to do that to show people, that I felt the mourning of these days.  Whether that mourning was for life lost or just life as we know it being lost.  What really made me want to mourn was the time lost from my own sin.  

When I got to that point, God was finally able to bring me the hope in the form of His Spirit!  “I will pour out my spirit on every kind of people.” Joel 2:28a

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness,  patience, goodness, kindness, self control, faithfulness.  I feel like we’ve been missing a lot of this nowadays, but I know that it can make a comeback, starting with a little repentance.  And if I really want that comeback, I know repentance starts with me.  

So Mike is working today.  Well not exactly working, but using his camera to document a community event which really  means I am on my own.  So while I enjoy some music, dancing and an amazing lunch I decided to bring my laptop and write a bit.  It has really been a long time, but sitting here watching the kids perform and seeing the enjoyment of the families watching, I just had to tap out my thoughts.  Anything to keep my head from exploding.  

I’ve been thinking a lot about family, community and love the past few days, and it’s due to a book I just finished reading called the Storyteller, by Dave Grohl.  Those of you who know who he is, you may be a little shocked by my reaction to the book.  So if you are, you should pick it up and read it.  He is quite a storyteller, but please expect some craziness, copious use of the F word and of course a lot of Rock n Roll thrown in. You can also expect a lot of  stories, that overflow with thankfulness, family, friends and love communicated  through them.

And that brings me to today, and the celebration of Dia de los Muertos that we have attended for the past few years.  A Mexican tradition that we have now fallen in love with.  After a year and a half of Covid, taking time to think of those who are gone, and their impact on our lives is very appropriate.  Something that many times in American culture, we don’t take the time to really explore.  

So while I didn’t grow up in this community, the music, food and gathering of  people feels like home to me.  Now this may not be in your comfort zone, but maybe it’s time for us all to be a little less than comfortable.  Maybe it’s time to take the lessons from a year and half of separation, and find community.  And not just the community you know, but the community that is new to you or different from the one you’re used to.  To find joy in being together.  Sharing time, talents and our very selves with each other! 

So she’s an athlete that has a problem with the American flag and anthem?  So many opinions are thrown around, but since I don’t know this woman I don’t really worry about it.   

I did see a post, and it seemed unkind.  In thinking of the post I wondered,  did you take her struggle and confusion and make it into some kind of easy choice? 

What if God made her a gifted athlete?  Well we know He did, because she wouldn’t be doing what she’s doing if He hadn’t!  Does she see it as a gift from God?  Maybe, maybe not?  It really doesn’t matter, because God has a plan for peoples lives.  He gives gifts and abilities even if they (we) don’t use them for God’s glory.  We all still have them and still feel that pull to use them.  

She’s conflicted…. She has the abilities and the drive, but the only avenue to use them leads her to this position.  Competing for the country, that through it’s history, has a horrendous past with her people.  How can she not be conflicted?   

 It’s kinda like God and people.  I’ve met those who are angry with God, but still acknowledge Him.  And I would rather see someone wrestling with God than just dismiss Him.   So when you have someone who is mad at their country, don’t you think they can still be a good citizen or even an olympic athlete? 

Above all, this day is not the end of her story.  She’s in the middle and the end isn’t written yet.  And above all, my perceived end to her story is not God’s ending.  We don’t get to judge her in the middle of hers, as we hope we are not judged in the middle of ours! 

What this brings me to is Jesus, and influence.    Why should I worry about trying to influence  this woman to honor a flag?  That’s an earthly symbol that will pass away.  

Why would I use my influence for something that is temporal and will not last forever?  My influence is better used for something that is eternal.  So for me, my prayer is that I never let the earthly overshadow the eternal.  And truth be told, that’s my hope for you too!

When people tell me they’re having problems with their kids, I try to listen a lot and not give an opinion.  The only one good piece of advice I really have is this; whatever happens never say anything to hurt.  There are some words that you can never take back, and apologies will never be enough to erase.  We’ve lived by that in our household and looking back, I think we are seeing good results. 

Our sons like us, and they like each other.  I attribute much of that to that one piece of advice, of how we talked to and about each other.  

– Please listen to the words coming out of your mouth.  They may be poisonous.  Choose to speak life!

I wrote that out on election day….just a series of things I thought would be wise to remember, but I wanted to revisit this one today.  As I listen to people speak, I wonder if we truly hear ourselves?  And more so, if we truly weigh the impact of carelessly spoken words?  I think about words a lot.  I like writing more than conversations, because it gives me the opportunity to delete those careless words before they wound.  

And do not mistake my meaning.  I believe our words are leaving a mark, and it’s not a good one.  I have thought about it before…. 

“…..But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.  And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire….. “  James 3: 5&6

I have wondered if the spiritual is having an effect on the physical.  The more we let fly with our mouths, the more this world is on fire.   And it’s effecting us all, both spiritually and physically.  

So I leave you with the struggle in my own life.  To stop setting fires with my mouth.  To stop before I carelessly criticize, judge or let the sarcasm fly.  To instead bring beauty, love, encouragement and most of all hope.  

“Careless words stab like a sword, but the words of wise people bring healing.”  Proverbs 12:18