Cheryl Mendoza

Not to be silent

My son called to check on me this past Tuesday. He wanted to see how my writin
g was going and how I was feeling. We are a lot alike, so he knows how mental I can get.

He was frustrated, and it was over a Facebook post with someone that he restects. He said that they had a “discussion” and he had gotten irritated. He said that he was glad that the post was taken down, but he was frustrated with himself. So he was thinking about just deleting his account for a while, which I think is a good idea. It is hard. I am his mom and know about the potential I see in him, but I also know of the demons he fights.

So I asked him about his voice? You see, I started to write about my own voice the other day. Not the one I sing with, as it is nothing to write home about. It is the one that is heard by what I communicate with my life. I was unable to finish the thoughts, but I decided to share with him what I started to write.

We all have a voice. It is the things we think and feel. It is our views, the things we consider important and our character. Our voice comes through the words we speak, what we may write and how we act. Some people have a voice that reaches millions, but most of us have a much smaller circle where we are heard. My son has some good verbal skills. He is a pretty good talker, and because of that, I encourage him to use his words wisely. He has yet to fully adopt this advice, but I am hoping that he will one day.

Each of our voices are important, but there are times where I believe that my voice was silent. When I was young, I was afraid to ask questions, to give answers or just in general talk to those in authority. It made going to school very hard. I told my son the story of not wanting to sneeze in class when I was in fifth grade. Why? Well my teacher would say “God bless you”, and he would expect you to say “thank you”. I can remember sitting there, trying so hard not to sneeze. It was supposed to be all very pleasant, but because of his authority over me, it was breathtakingly scary. I shared a few other anecdotes to give him a better picture, but they are much more embarrassing, so I will keep those between us.

I told him that even now, I have to fight to put my voice out there. That my intent is to use my voice as a means to glorify God, and to the gifts He has given me to encourage people.

Since encouragement comes through my words I am working hard, not to be silent. A fact to which my husband and boys can attest. I told my son that his voice is important too. That there is someone, that he hasn’t met yet, that will need to hear what he has to say. That he should not let things that are not important silence that voice. Through my life there have been times that I have been made silent by fear. I suggested to him that because of anger, he may effectively silence himself.

Why is it so important?

We are a world that has a lot of problems, but I believe there is a God who can transform. I told my son that when he talks with people with differing views, the point is not to get them to change their minds, it is to make them think. To spur them to seek wisdom from God, not to just win the argument.

He thanked me and we got off the phone, and I was pleased with the conversation. The last thing I asked him was to really think about what I had said, and even consider the effect his voice could have on his community. I listed the problems we had discussed, and reminded him that there is a way for these problems to disappear. It takes people loving God and then loving our neighbor as ourselves. In his community, it can start with him. In mine, it can start with me. And even though I write in a blog that effectively, anyone around the world can read. My real sphere of influence is right here in my own community. This is where my voice can be heard best, and those around me get to see if I truly live according to my words.

September 15, 2016 0

What I will remember

I found it really hard to write my thoughts today, so I thought I would keep it really short. What I will “Never Forget” from September 11, 2001.

I will never forget to pray for those who lost family and friends on this day.

I will never forget the heroes that ran into danger, and not away from it.

I will never forget the time when we all put our collective hopes and prayers together, for the safety and well-being of people we didn’t even know.

I will never forget the time when everyone asked, “Is there something I can do?”

I will never forget the time where so many people did so many little things, to create one large effort to care for our fellow citizens.

I will never forget to be prepared. To ask God now to give me the strength for the future, where I may need to run to and not from danger.

#RespondinLove

September 12, 2016 0

Of men and joy

And so my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful. Proverbs 8:32

So I enjoy being a mom. I am not one of the mom’s that laments the fact that her

img_1056-1 — Not sure where the floating bunny ears came from.

children have grown. I loved them when they were little, but as they grew, each age brought its own joy and pain. I wouldn’t say that I have enjoyed all the stages of their growth, some stages were better than others, but each new screw up brings wisdom. Or so one hopes.

So one of my oldest son was stressing at work the other day, and had sent me a text to pray. It was great, because not only did I pray for him, but I was able to give him some encouragement from a blog I had just written. I love when God gives the answer, even before you knew there was a question. During the conversation, I told him that he should think long and hard about pursuing something that he loved. That he should spend some time dreaming or imagining what it would look like to make that dream a reality.

So the next day I texted him to check out his stress level and he let me know that he was good. Me though, I was a different story. It was a bad day for me, and so by the time I was talking to him, I was finally getting some writing done. It was then that he said he had been thinking about my writing. Since he was contemplating his own dreams, he started thinking about my own pursuit. He asked what kind of writing I wanted to do? He then proceeded to tell me how Prince wrote two songs a day, even though some were never published. He then pointed out how very left-brain my writing seemed to be, and that maybe I needed to use the right side for some short fictional stories. When I told him that I was not sure what I wanted to write, he brought up JK Rowling and how he doubted that she knew exactly what she was writing that first day in the coffee shop.

Our texts finally tapered off and I felt good. He had given me a different perspective, and that seemed to give me some energy. I was able to finish a blog post and it was a little different than others I had posted, so I felt good. Accomplished.

It wasn’t till today that I went back to revisit the texts from my son. I am so used to being the encouraging one, that to be on the receiving end is a different angle for me. It was funny, I don’t think he meant to encourage me, I just think he was asking que img_3126-1 stions. It gives me hope. Not only for myself and the path that I am taking, but for him and his path of growing and learning who God made him to be.
No, I don’t miss those little boys at all. They were adorable and I loved them very much, but it is the men that they are growing into that is so much more exciting. While they still make a lot of mistakes and are not perfect, I can see growth as they continue to learn and gain wisdom. That above all else brings me joy and gives me hope.

September 6, 2016 0

Of Fall and Friends

I was not sure why I looked, but I did. It may be because it is fall. I know, most people just get a pumpkin spice latte, but not me. I become nostalgic. It might have been because yesterday was such a sucky day. I slept badly, and did not write till late in the afternoon. Which means that all the crap that makes my head, spin was not written out and discarded. It just kept rolling around in my mind till it was ready to burst. Yesterday afternoon though, I was able to get out, grab some chai and “throw up” for lack of a better term. I just write down everything in my head and see if I can use any of what is there.

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For some reason this morning, I did not go back to it. I was feeling nostalgic again and so I did look up some information on my elementary school. I was trying to picture people and some of the things that shape my memories. It was then that I looked. In this day and age of the internet you can find just about anyone, or at least some bit of an electronic trace. So during childhood I had many friends on and off, and I still keep in touch with a few. There is one though, that I truly lost touch with. We met during elementary school, continued through Junior high and into the beginning of high school. At some point, we grew apart?

115847-113843 Today for some reason, I Googled her name. OK, so I looked her up through Yahoo, whatever! When her name
came up, so did a lot of pictures. Some were of other people, but then I saw her face. Older, with darker hair but beautiful. I looked into the face of a person that I remember with fondness, I looked into the face of a person that I loved. Now get your minds out of the gutter, not that kind of love. The kind of love you have for a family member that, even though you haven’t seen them for a while, you feel like they had never left your side.

So what do you do when you find someone on the internet? You of course cyber stalk them. Do not get the wrong idea, I was not going to camp out at her house or anything. I went and looked in the usual places for information, FaceBook and Twitter. I looked for pictures of her, of her family, any information as to where she lived and what she was doing after all these years. It was exciting to see that she is an actress. It was something that made sense, in relation to the girl I once knew. I guess the tap, jazz, acrobat and Hawaiian dance lessons had paid off for her. I always laughed when she went through the litany of dance classes she had taken, and even with what I listed, I am probably still missing some of them. As you can imagine, I was a more than a little envious of her training.

autism-puzzle-piece-clip-art-cliparts-co-lilgLt-clipart It makes me happy to know that she is well. I remember long conversations when we were younger, but I don’t remember the details. I cannot put my finger on the why, all I know is what my heart tells me. All I know is that finding out this new information, is like a piece of a puzzle. It all seems to fit. I love fall and the thoughts of old friends.

September 3, 2016 1

Influencing faith?

Ok…so there is some crazy things about this whole writing gig. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love when I am done. When I feel like what I wanted to say is clear, it honors God and is not too embarrassing about myself. If I hit all three of whiskey-typewriter-shutterstock-570x380
those criteria, I am ecstatic. I feel like I am doing what God is calling me to do. To make it even better, if I can get a catchy last line to sum it all up, I treat myself to some ice cream. When I am working through something though, I cannot stand it. Maybe this is why some writers drink so much? Maybe I should skip the ice cream and move on to scotch? No.

At first, I am typically inspired by something that happens, but as I continue to write, I feel inept, unsure and have no idea why God is calling me to write anything? It is weird. It is why I try to write as fast as I can, so that I can finish it quickly while I still feel the excitement of that first discovery. how-often-blog-why-blogging-writing-ideas Well today I was not so much inspired, but compelled. You see I was cruising my FaceBook, cuz ya know I have the dreaded disease, FOMO. Fear of missing out. So instead of just attacking my lap top to write I start scrolling, and at times it stresses me out. So why do I do it? FOMO. Anyway, I was reading a post by a blogger, who was talking about a Christian blogger who had posted that she was separating from her spouse. OK, so that is guaranteed to get my attention. Neither of these bloggers are anyone that I “follow”(man I hate that term) but I know I have read posts by them before. So because I am like a cat, totally curious, I went to the post where she announces her separation to see what she wrote. OK, to tell you the truth, I just skimmed it. She is not someone that I know personally or follow, so her decision does not produce any other emotion than just heart break for her situation. What I did think was ironic is her new book that was just being released. It was about her marriage, the problems they had and how they have walked through it. It was then I wondered about the influence she hoped to have with women, and how this new turn in her story affected that?

I really wondered about this whole online community thing, especially since I am trying to wiggle my way into it. Is it a good way to influence people? Is it bad? I am not sure what the answers are to the questions, but it reminded me of how I want my online presence to be perceived. I am not here to tell people what to do, or even what I think God is telling them to do. There is more than enough of that already. (My hubby and kids can ignore this part, I am so totally here to tell them what to do) I am not here to say that I have the answers to any aspect of life. All I am here to do is relay what God is teaching me. That being a Christian can look pretty messy, but it is a lovely mess. I am here to tell my story, and the simple ways that God speaks to me in my boring everyday life. It is a glimpse of what faith looks like for me, but it is not necessarily a template for what it should look like for you. What I am thankful for most in my life, is what I want to encourage everyone to seek. Their own faith. God is good, and if you seek Him you better believe you are going to find Him. Just don’t be shocked by where He might show up.

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If you agree, disagree, I have irritated you or made you think, leave me a comment. I would be interested to hear any feedback on the topic or how it was written. Thanks!

August 31, 2016 1

Of football and flags

I am not one of the 49er Faithful, but I do live in that territory. I have always been a Cowboy fan, you know America’s Team, and I typically spend my time during football season getting picked on by my family and friends.

This week was kind of interesting for me though, as I seemed to be on the other side for once. Colin Kaepernick caused such a stink this week with his refusal to stand for the National Anthem. I knew nothing about it until the day after when I saw social media blowing up about the incident. Even die hard Kaep fans really gave him a tongue lashing. I wasn’t too interested in it, because my own team has it’s own quarterback problems, and it took me a day or two more to really check the situation out. Continue reading “Of football and flags” →

August 29, 2016 0

Holding on…

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Genesis 32:26b

These past few weeks I have been watching a lot of the Olympics. I have not sat down for long stretches of time, but if I was able to catch a few minutes, I did. One of those times included watching the end of a wrestling match between Russia and Uzbekistan. At the end of the match, the Uzbek athlete lost, and proceeded to lay in the middle of the mat inconsolable. The referee or umpire or whatever they are called in wrestling, stood there offering a hand that was ignored. Finally, after what seemed a long time, he got up and stood there as the other athlete was called the winner. I made note of his actions, and didn’t think of them again until today.

I have been listening to a sermon podcast from church, and that is what brought the wrestler back to mind. Why? Well, after listening to this sermon, I really could relate to the guy on the mat. It was like if he stayed on the mat, then the match wasn’t really over. As he laid there, I wondered what was going through his mind? Maybe he was wrestling with his own emotions and thoughts. Then when he could bear the outcome, he was finally able to get up. It gave me a better picture of the story of Jacob and the night he wrestled with God. Even better than that, the whole story seemed to give me a better picture of my own wrestling with God.

Here is the quick rundown. Esau and Jacob were brothers, and Esau being the oldest was in line for the birthright and blessing from his father. These two brothers had two different mothers so there were a whole bunch of dysfunctional family dynamics going on. What winds up happening is that Jacob manipulates the situation and steals both the birthright and blessing. At that point Esau is mad as all get out and vows to kill his brother, so Jacob runs away.

While Jacob is gone, God guides him and blesses him, but It is not always pretty. He gets conned by his father in law, Laban. Then he is able to do some conning of his own, since he had been taken advantage of. God eventually tells him to return home, back to the land of his father and grandfather, where God promises to be with him. Jacob is now husband to two wives, baby daddy to two servants and father to many children. He came home very wealthy as he had flocks of many animals and lots of servants.

One thing he did not have was the knowledge of what waited for him at home. Would Esau welcome him? Would he still be calling for Jacobs blood? Jacob was terrified. So what does he do? Well he reminds God of all the promises that He made to Jacob and his family. The one’s where God said He would protect Jacob if he returned home, and that He would multiply Jacob’s descendants until they were as many as the sand on the beach. So Jacob then slept peacefully reminded of all God’s promises, right? Continue reading “Holding on…” →

August 26, 2016 0

Summer’s end

I think we can say that the summer is officially over. We have just returned home from a long weekend at Lake Shasta. It was a great time, and we saw family who we had not seen in a while. It is always great to see everyone, spend some time catching up and sharing a lot of laughs. We even drove a little ways up the highway to see Mt. Shasta, but the pictures my hubby took were a little hazy. Visibility is bad as there is smoke in the air all up and down California due to various fires. Since I hate the highways and my husband cannot go in a straight line, we took many backroads and explored a little. It took us longer, but the lack of traffic made it a much more enjoyable trip.

We visited the now defunct Rancho Seco Nuclear power plant outside of Sacramento. I love that it is now surrounded by solar panels.

We then split up in Sacramento and hit two museums at a time. My husband went to the California State Railroad museum, and my son and I went to the California Automobile Museum. Geno was in seventh heaven!

We stayed at a wonderful little place called Salt Creek Resort. It was small, but it was a great place.The cabins had everything we needed, all we had to do was bring some bedding and food. The whole place was taken up by family, so it was a fantastic weekend full of food, wine and laughter. And our view of the trestle crossing the lake, was the best spot to sit in the morning. Summer is officially over, and I can’t think of a more perfect way to end it!!

August 22, 2016 0

I was there once too

So as I was sitting here, thinking about what I wanted to write and I felt frustration. What is this blog for? Maybe it is a blog where I have a million followers and I can actually make a living off of it. Or maybe it is a platform where the lessons I learn are shared, and sought out. Where I write a book that encourages young women, moms, older gals, single ladies and such to seek God and use their gifts to take over the…I mean change the world.

I am not a mommy blogger. My youngest son just turned eighteen, but really has not wanted me to be his mom since he was in Kindergarten. He was the most independent child in a line of four independent boys. I was never a mom that was very involved, and the teachers did not know me by my first name. Don’t get me wrong, those moms are amazing, I was just not one of them.

Am I a Christian blogger? I write a lot about my own faith journey. Sometimes I think it is too serious or boring, and I feel like I am a lot funnier in person. Or at least I think so? So I have been thinking about my “voice” a lot lately. Who am I speaking to? Is it the working woman, the mom, the Christian, the unbeliever, the failure, the dreamer or is it to all of the above?

When you don’t have a particular niche it seems hard to me. No one seems to zero in on a blog where it just talks about… whatever? So what do I know? Well, it is that I am a story teller and an encourager. So I guess I will just end this with a story.

One afternoon I was home with the kids and I went into the kitchen at one point, and saw smoke pouring into that room. I immediately turned around, grabbed all the children, the phone and went outside to call the fire department. It was mostly smoke, and it only caused surface damage, so we were very blessed. Come to find out that our seven year old son lit some matches in the garage next to a mattress. He had only been in the garage for a few minutes, as I had just rounded him up because he was not allowed to play in there. I just did not catch him fast enough. The matches had smoldered and eventually produced a bunch of smoke and a small amount of flame. It was so disheartening to me. My son was a bit of a handful. He always ran everywhere, he never walked. He was always active and had already started to have some trouble with school work. Don’t get me wrong, he did have things going for him. He was always helpful, kind, worked hard, and always had a great attitude.

Well you can imagine, the stress level we had. We were worried about this little guy and how life was going to deal with him. It was one day not too long after the fire when I had a conversation with a pastor at our church. He was in charge of all of our missions at the church, and at that time it was a rather large program. He stopped me though and told me a little about himself. So here was this very well respected pastor, who I totally thought was a wonderful man, and he was telling me what a stinker he was as a child. He said that he had done things like that when he was young too. He encouraged me that my son would grow out of it, that he would do just fine. When I looked at him, I felt hope. If he was a handful as a child, could get through it and be successful, well then so could my son. I am so grateful for the conversation and the encouragement. He also was right. My son did make it through his childhood, not perfectly, and with many struggles. He is still a hard worker, kind and willing to help if he is able. His family means everything to him, and he is an optimistic and encouraging person. Perfect? No. Best trait of all? He is over the whole setting things on fire stage, and now he puts them out. He spends his summers fighting wildfires throughout California. So all of that energy and activity that drove us crazy as a kid, now helps him do his job well.

I think of the women like me who are out there, dealing with crazy little kids in their lives. I just want to tell you, have faith. You can do this and they will make it. I know….I was there once too. Thankful not to be there any longer!

August 18, 2016 0