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How did I get here?

Today is the start of the Lenten season, and in the past couple of years, I’ve come to really love it! I almost missed the beginning, since we have been a little busy around our house. My hubby reminded me yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and its kind of become a tradition to have red beans and rice for dinner. I am glad that we didn’t miss it because we needed a little fun this week, and I needed a little reminder of what Lent means to me.

Not being Catholic, Lent is something that I’ve adopted as an adult. I typically don’t give anything up, cuz that just didn’t seem right for me. What I try to do is write daily and this year is no different. It seems like the perfect time to process all the things that have been going on in my life and in the lives around me. Since December, our world has been knocked off its axis. What with my hubby’s tumor diagnosis and even some upheaval at the church I attend, chaos has entered places where I had felt pretty darn safe. The funny thing is, while I should have felt fear, I have only felt peace. Like I told a friend today, “I am not sure how it works, but all I can do is point to God and say it’s all Him!”

So for the next 40 days I am going to try my best to listen and write. To try and see how we got here, how God is getting us through and look into the future to see where He may lead us next on this crazy journey!

March 7, 2019 1

New year…..same playlist

I wondered if this would be my last post for 2018 or actually be the first of 2019? I have plenty of time to make it before the new year, but I don’t seem to be very focused. Like other times when I am writing, I seem to have a hard time starting. If I can get my brain to relax and just type, then I can actually get something done.

So our Christmas is finally over. It was a weird year, but not in a bad way or anything, just different. We planned to have my extended family down this weekend, so a few of my boys got into town to be here when everyone else was. So for Christmas itself, we were not all together. Since there was only my husband and two of the boys, we hung out and went out for a fabulous dinner. It was fun, but different.

It’s also been a little mellow because my hubby isn’t feeling well. Constant headaches and dizziness are really taking a toll on how he is feeling. So we stayed close to home and just kept a low profile. This weekend though was full of extended family, babies, nieces, nephews and pierogi. While it was kind of hard on my hubby with so many people in the house, I could not have been given a better Christmas present. We typically get together during this time of year, but it’s always somewhere else. This year, they all made the drive to see us. It was great because now I have all those good memories of Christmas fun, in my own home. That was worth everything to me!

I was able to talk to my oldest son for a while last night. We stood outside beneath the stars, wondering at the beauty of the night sky. We talked of the new year and the feeling that something was coming. It was a bit foreboding, but we both agreed that no matter if it’s good or bad in store, God would have our backs.

As I dropped him off at the train station this morning, we somewhat felt the same way, and continued to talk of what the new year would bring. We encouraged each other and then I left him at the station. I started the car and I drove away. The radio was turned all the way down, so I turned it up and had to laugh at the song on that was playing. It was “Faith” by George Michael. It was a reminder that no matter what’s in store, faith was going to get us through. I pulled over so I could text my son right then, and he texted me right back, loving the message in the song. It was then I let him know the very next song….. “I will survive.” And in those lyrics I knew whatever is coming this new year, God already knows and has the way through it.

images His response to my second text? “God is the best DJ!” And it’s so true!

January 1, 2019 1

Advent: Wider focus….

Where you choose to look, has such an impact on your life. Yesterday, I did not write. I was not up as early as I needed to be, and by the time I got home I was tired. I think I got a little down, and so I got up this morning with purpose to do this morning differently. But… My first thoughts seemed to be all centered around me, (crazy huh?) so I knew I needed to widen my focus.

Cameras do that. My hubby takes pictures and he rents different lenses all the time. I didn’t really get it till he started taking pictures on the same spot with different lenses. Some lenses produce pictures that make the subject pop, and all the background is really fuzzy. It is very trendy today, and it is really a cool looking shot. You can guess what the background is showing, because you see the color and shapes in it, but the real star of the picture is the subject. It is great for pictures, but a horrible way to live life.

I was thinking of me this morning, and it seemed a lot like the picture. My focus was on me, way too much! What I have to do, the stresses of life, everyone’s opinion of me, pain, fatigue. Ugh! Everything else was there, but it was obscured in the background.

So this morning, it is time to put on a different lens. I really think I need one with a much wider angle. One that will let me see what’s in the background. The people, activity and the good that He is doing all around me.

December 13, 2018 0

Advent: Remember, reboot, refocus…

What to write….what to write? Sometimes it feels like different topics are warring in my mind to be what I w whiskey-typewriter-shutterstock-570x380 rite about, but it never really takes shape till my fingers start typing on the keys.

My emotions are in a bit of a roller coaster this morning, and it all started last night. While it was nothing specific, there was a general feeling of anxiety. I would put it in the class of “anxiety attack” although last night’s version was pretty mild. I started to get a little panicky and was feeling hot. I even slept on the couch last night because when I feel this way, I just need a little more space, cooler air and not stressing over waking my hubby.

I have general anxiety like most people do, but a couple of years ago I started having what I call attacks. Immediately stressed, can’t breathe, hot sweaty periods of time where I have to work to bring myself to some kind of control. It is hard, and they are scary. It mostly happened at night, when distractions were taken away and my subconscious could do its worst. So this morning, I was really interested in taking time to spend time with the Big Guy and find some type of peace.

So I was reading about Jesus and his nighttime encounter with this religious leader, Nicodemus. It’s kind of funny how it starts out. Nicodemus comes to Jesus and is like, “hey….we know you are sent by God because you do these great miracles.” And instead of saying something logical like, “thanks….glad to be here,” Jesus gives an answer to a question. The problem is, no question has been asked? What? Now you can go in and check out the answer and what Jesus explains to him, but that is not the point of my little writing this morning.

So what is?

Well, I love the fact that Jesus gave him the answer, before Nicodemus even knew he wanted to ask the question! God knows us, and so does His Son. Jesus knew Nicodemus deepest, darkest, subconscious thoughts, dreams, stress and heart’s desire. He knows mine too.

And in reading that this morning, I realized that even before I knew I would have a night of anxiety, He did. And in what I wrote yesterday, He has already given me the answer for the peace I need today. So this morning, I’m taking the time to remember, reboot and refocus on what is true. The God who provided yesterday is the same one who will continue to do so today and in the future.

What’s going on in your life today? Do you really need an answer to that question, situation or stress? Look back! Remember, reboot and refocus. You might be surprised at what answers you may find!

December 6, 2018 0

Seasonal focus….

I needed some focus for the last part of the year, so I am taking a page from Lent. I use Lent as a way to focus and write daily, and this December I really need some focus. Why? Well the Christmas season is upon us, I have a big family celebration at the end of the month that I am in charge of, and I am also studying for a test for work. That is not even the half of it, but I can only say so much. So while I use Lent in the spring to bring focus to my life, I decided that Advent might help me do the same this winter.

dsc_0835-2 So I was thinking, December 1^stI would be on it! But…. I missed the date. Ugh! Needless to say, it is all good, since today is officially the start of Advent. Who knew? Well obviously not me.
So what am I pondering on this first day of Advent? Well, Christmas of course! Specifically what this season means to me and really the effect it has had on my life. I just finished writing a small vignette (?) for lack of a better word. While some of it is fictionalized, it is based on some things that have happened to me. It was like God put them together for me one day, to give me perspective. It helped to remind me that God was with me. And in reminding me of where we have been, He reminds me that He knows where we will go. That gives me hope! And isn’t that what the season is all about? Hope?

For in the velvety darkness of winter, a star is seen and hope is born. The hope that the separation between us and God is about to be put to an end. That the love of God is brought to earth as a baby. To start the transition from separation to reconciliation.

December 3, 2018 0

Reading the heart…..

Unknown How do you talk to people? Especially people you don’t agree with? As I was reading, I was struck by two conversations this morning. Two conversations, two different outcomes. Two different questions, with two different intents. And one Jesus.

One question was asked to trick and catch him saying something wrong. The other was asked seeking an honest answer.

One was asked to show how wise they were. The other to gain wisdom.

One was asked, but the answer didn’t really matter to those who asked it. The other was asked, with the answer being of the utmost importance.

Two answers were given that day, but only one truly listened. I was struck by both questions, their intent and the reaction to the answers.

When you talk to people, what is your intention? Is it to prove them wrong? Or is it to understand?

When the one man heard wisdom in the answer, Jesus said “you are not far from the kingdom of God.” Sounds like a mile marker to me. How the man approached the question and reacted to Jesus’ response, showed something about his heart.

I wonder…..what do our questions and responses show about ours?

Mark 12:18-35

September 11, 2018 2

Of Billy and influence….

So the day finally came, and my first reaction was sadness, then I pondered and then I laughed. I was sad because I know that at the loss of Billy Graham, his family and friends will be going through a grieving process. The first moments of separation are the worst. I was also sad because it seems that these are the days that we need a Billy Graham.

But that didn’t sound right. As I started to ponder the thought, I realized that what we really needed are “men and women like Billy Graham.” Continue reading “Of Billy and influence….” →

February 21, 2018 0

How you look at it…..

It is all about your view. The first two pictures were taken during the summer inYosemite, by Mirror Lake. There is a whole area where people have stacked rocks. (Much to many people’s irritation….but that is a story for a different time)

The third was a stack that was done by the Merced River in the park. (Ok…I did that one) I liked how much bigger it looked when I snapped a picture from a low angle. It made the rocks look only slightly shorter than the trees. I was pretty impressed with all those piles of rocks, as they seemed like a memorial of some sort, put there to remind someone of something. That was of course until our last visit this week.

Continue reading “How you look at it…..” →

December 30, 2017 0

Less politics, more Jesus

“Less politics and more scholarship! And don’t give so much of yourself to this cause. Yours is scholarship-and one can never know what the future may bring politically. You understand me-my advice places me in your hands, I wish you well.” I Will Bear Witness by Victor Klemperer.

The advice from this German professor was something that caught my eye as I read his diary today. The gentle advice to this woman, whom he said was “an adherent to the new regime,” was daring. It was advice that I think makes sense for many of us today. As soon as I read it though, my mind changed it up a bit.

Maybe for us, we could change it to “Less politics, and more Jesus! And don’t give so much of yourself to this cause. Yours is Jesus-and one can never know what the future may bring politically.”

Have we spent too much time on politics and not Jesus? Sadly, I just have to think yes. How else do Nazi’s have such a strong presence right now?

(The fact that I wrote that sentence tells me that something is very wrong with the world but more importantly that something is wrong with us in the church)

“We are all infected impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.” Isaiah 64:6

August 15, 2017 0

Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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