I was able to talk to my oldest son for a while last night. We stood outside beneath the stars, wondering at the beauty of the night sky. We talked of the new year and the feeling that something was coming. It was a bit foreboding, but we both agreed that no matter if it’s good or bad in store, God would have our backs.
Those were the words I wrote on December 31, 2018, and how prophetic they would turn out to be. So in the few weeks following, my hubby endured more pain, doctor visits and the diagnosis that would change everything. Brain tumor. Even now when we hear the words we shake our heads in disbelief and laugh.
Now that it’s (mostly) behind us, we are looking forward to the new year more than we typically do. Mike is looking forward to regaining strength and feeling more like his normal self. I am looking forward to …. well I am not sure what? Don’t get me wrong… for Mike I am praying for excellent recovery, and for the boys that they would continue to make strides forward in their lives. Above all that they…….that we all would be able to know God’s presence. But while I felt foreboding last year, I am not sure what I feel this December 31st? It’s definitely not the same heaviness as last year, but it’s also not the normal New Years day feeling. Continue reading “Ready to soar in 2020”
So it’s Christmas Eve and I am fighting my feelings.
Timing is everything. I’ve really been amazed at the people we’ve met over the past couple of months. How they encouraged us, provided good care for Mike and helped us navigate the process. One of my favorites was an older lady I met while Mike was having an MRI. This was before we had his diagnosis. We had gotten to the office where the MRI would be done, and I can remember thinking for the first time how fragile Mike seemed. We both got out of the car and he waited for me. We’ve always held hands when we walked, but now it was different. We walked slower, more carefully. I was holding his hand more to help him, than simply out of affection. When we finally got into the back, Mike went into get the MRI done, and I sat out in a small waiting area. No one was out there with me until an older couple came back and were waiting. Ugh! I did not want to talk to anyone! So I kept looking straight ahead and did all I could not to make eye contact. When the man was called back, I was doing great, keeping my eyes to myself and not attracting any attention. Well, that was until I started laughing.
So we talked, or at least I listened while she talked. She shared a lot of her life in just a few minutes. We also got to talking about her moving into a new “adult community” and her fears of finding a place with the new people she would meet. We also talked about her son, and the new woman in his life. She had liked her, was impressed with her education and intelligence, but was unsure because she had tattoos. She was a good Catholic lady, and this seemed to bug her a lot. So I did what I do best, and told her what I had learned along the way. Encouraging her to remember the times she had been the new person in the past, and how she had found a place then. I told her that this would be the same, and not to worry. I also told her about my own son and his many tattoos. She seemed to be comforted by the words and my own experiences. It was a great conversation, distracting for me and encouraging for her!
So day 2 is always hard. I always wonder, what will I write about now? I also feel behind the eight ball because I am tired. Taking care of someone can be tiring. Part of it is physical, but it’s also a mental tired. Since I tend to overthink things, I am sure that is a lot of it! There is a spiritual aspect to it too. The word “spiritual” makes it sound very serious, but it really hasn’t felt that way.
The neurologist gave us an idea to fastrack the whole thing. So he called a doctor at the local emergency room to get us in. My hubby was so excited, we would go to the ER and they would transfer us to a larger hospital. It would be there that they would see the big mass in his head and they may even do surgery this weekend. Isn’t it great? There was not one tear, one moment of hesitation or fear. We looked at each other shook our heads with smiles on our faces.
Today is the start of the Lenten season, and in the past couple of years, I’ve come to really love it! I almost missed the beginning, since we have been a little busy around our house. My hubby reminded me yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and its kind of become a tradition to have red beans and rice for dinner. I am glad that we didn’t miss it because we needed a little fun this week, and I needed a little reminder of what Lent means to me.
wondered if this would be my last post for 2018 or actually be the first of 2019? I have plenty of time to make it before the new year, but I don’t seem to be very focused. Like other times when I am writing, I seem to have a hard time starting. If I can get my brain to relax and just type, then I can actually get something done.
I was able to talk to my oldest son for a while last night. We stood outside beneath the stars, wondering at the beauty of the night sky. We talked of the new year and the feeling that something was coming. It was a bit foreboding, but we both agreed that no matter if it’s good or bad in store, God would have our backs.
“Maybe I am a woman searching for a word?” I love words, so when I heard the line from the movie Eat, Pray, Love….it obviously caught my attention! So on my laptop, I just keep it open to notes, and when things catch my attention I write them down. Sometimes I expand on them, and sometimes I don’t.
The word was Noel. For the past few weeks it had caught my eye in stores, and on cards. As I was out, and when I was in. I heard it on tv and in songs. So being the word nerd I am, I had to look it up!
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.” Luke 2:10
You know, sometimes this writing part of my life is not easy! I try to come up with something interesting, or thought provoking, not preachy and above all not too opinionated. I try to frame what I write as my experience, and hope it either encourages or at least gives someone a different perspective.
phone call I got last night. I am typically the one who is messaging or talking to someone to encourage them, but last night the call was for me. Someone wanted to ask how I was, and check up on me and the family. I appreciated it so much! And at the end she prayed for me, and it was cool because it showed growth in her faith.
Why these two topics together? Well, I guess it’s because I hear much more ”opinion” than encouragement. And since I am like most people, I tend to think we are all looking for more encouragement, love, kindness and lack of judgment than we are looking for another opinion. So today be mindful of the words you say. Be a shoulder to lean on, cry on or just be a good listener. Leave your opinions behind, and see how you can be an encouragement to someone today.
Anyway, as I sat there, in the tiniest seat ever, (ugh) I was struck by a lyric from the song Rhiannon. “Dreams unwind, loves a state of mind.” I am sure I’ve heard that sung a thousand times before, but tonight it kept rolling around in my head. “Dreams unwind, loves a state of mind.” The more I thought about it, the more true I knew it was. 
Cheryl Mendoza 