cherylmendoza

Of football and flags

I am not one of the 49er Faithful, but I do live in that territory. I have always been a Cowboy fan, you know America’s Team, and I typically spend my time during football season getting picked on by my family and friends.

This week was kind of interesting for me though, as I seemed to be on the other side for once. Colin Kaepernick caused such a stink this week with his refusal to stand for the National Anthem. I knew nothing about it until the day after when I saw social media blowing up about the incident. Even die hard Kaep fans really gave him a tongue lashing. I wasn’t too interested in it, because my own team has it’s own quarterback problems, and it took me a day or two more to really check the situation out. Continue reading “Of football and flags” →

August 29, 2016 0

Holding on…

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Genesis 32:26b

These past few weeks I have been watching a lot of the Olympics. I have not sat down for long stretches of time, but if I was able to catch a few minutes, I did. One of those times included watching the end of a wrestling match between Russia and Uzbekistan. At the end of the match, the Uzbek athlete lost, and proceeded to lay in the middle of the mat inconsolable. The referee or umpire or whatever they are called in wrestling, stood there offering a hand that was ignored. Finally, after what seemed a long time, he got up and stood there as the other athlete was called the winner. I made note of his actions, and didn’t think of them again until today.

I have been listening to a sermon podcast from church, and that is what brought the wrestler back to mind. Why? Well, after listening to this sermon, I really could relate to the guy on the mat. It was like if he stayed on the mat, then the match wasn’t really over. As he laid there, I wondered what was going through his mind? Maybe he was wrestling with his own emotions and thoughts. Then when he could bear the outcome, he was finally able to get up. It gave me a better picture of the story of Jacob and the night he wrestled with God. Even better than that, the whole story seemed to give me a better picture of my own wrestling with God.

Here is the quick rundown. Esau and Jacob were brothers, and Esau being the oldest was in line for the birthright and blessing from his father. These two brothers had two different mothers so there were a whole bunch of dysfunctional family dynamics going on. What winds up happening is that Jacob manipulates the situation and steals both the birthright and blessing. At that point Esau is mad as all get out and vows to kill his brother, so Jacob runs away.

While Jacob is gone, God guides him and blesses him, but It is not always pretty. He gets conned by his father in law, Laban. Then he is able to do some conning of his own, since he had been taken advantage of. God eventually tells him to return home, back to the land of his father and grandfather, where God promises to be with him. Jacob is now husband to two wives, baby daddy to two servants and father to many children. He came home very wealthy as he had flocks of many animals and lots of servants.

One thing he did not have was the knowledge of what waited for him at home. Would Esau welcome him? Would he still be calling for Jacobs blood? Jacob was terrified. So what does he do? Well he reminds God of all the promises that He made to Jacob and his family. The one’s where God said He would protect Jacob if he returned home, and that He would multiply Jacob’s descendants until they were as many as the sand on the beach. So Jacob then slept peacefully reminded of all God’s promises, right? Continue reading “Holding on…” →

August 26, 2016 0

Summer’s end

I think we can say that the summer is officially over. We have just returned home from a long weekend at Lake Shasta. It was a great time, and we saw family who we had not seen in a while. It is always great to see everyone, spend some time catching up and sharing a lot of laughs. We even drove a little ways up the highway to see Mt. Shasta, but the pictures my hubby took were a little hazy. Visibility is bad as there is smoke in the air all up and down California due to various fires. Since I hate the highways and my husband cannot go in a straight line, we took many backroads and explored a little. It took us longer, but the lack of traffic made it a much more enjoyable trip.

We visited the now defunct Rancho Seco Nuclear power plant outside of Sacramento. I love that it is now surrounded by solar panels.

We then split up in Sacramento and hit two museums at a time. My husband went to the California State Railroad museum, and my son and I went to the California Automobile Museum. Geno was in seventh heaven!

We stayed at a wonderful little place called Salt Creek Resort. It was small, but it was a great place.The cabins had everything we needed, all we had to do was bring some bedding and food. The whole place was taken up by family, so it was a fantastic weekend full of food, wine and laughter. And our view of the trestle crossing the lake, was the best spot to sit in the morning. Summer is officially over, and I can’t think of a more perfect way to end it!!

August 22, 2016 0

I was there once too

So as I was sitting here, thinking about what I wanted to write and I felt frustration. What is this blog for? Maybe it is a blog where I have a million followers and I can actually make a living off of it. Or maybe it is a platform where the lessons I learn are shared, and sought out. Where I write a book that encourages young women, moms, older gals, single ladies and such to seek God and use their gifts to take over the…I mean change the world.

I am not a mommy blogger. My youngest son just turned eighteen, but really has not wanted me to be his mom since he was in Kindergarten. He was the most independent child in a line of four independent boys. I was never a mom that was very involved, and the teachers did not know me by my first name. Don’t get me wrong, those moms are amazing, I was just not one of them.

Am I a Christian blogger? I write a lot about my own faith journey. Sometimes I think it is too serious or boring, and I feel like I am a lot funnier in person. Or at least I think so? So I have been thinking about my “voice” a lot lately. Who am I speaking to? Is it the working woman, the mom, the Christian, the unbeliever, the failure, the dreamer or is it to all of the above?

When you don’t have a particular niche it seems hard to me. No one seems to zero in on a blog where it just talks about… whatever? So what do I know? Well, it is that I am a story teller and an encourager. So I guess I will just end this with a story.

One afternoon I was home with the kids and I went into the kitchen at one point, and saw smoke pouring into that room. I immediately turned around, grabbed all the children, the phone and went outside to call the fire department. It was mostly smoke, and it only caused surface damage, so we were very blessed. Come to find out that our seven year old son lit some matches in the garage next to a mattress. He had only been in the garage for a few minutes, as I had just rounded him up because he was not allowed to play in there. I just did not catch him fast enough. The matches had smoldered and eventually produced a bunch of smoke and a small amount of flame. It was so disheartening to me. My son was a bit of a handful. He always ran everywhere, he never walked. He was always active and had already started to have some trouble with school work. Don’t get me wrong, he did have things going for him. He was always helpful, kind, worked hard, and always had a great attitude.

Well you can imagine, the stress level we had. We were worried about this little guy and how life was going to deal with him. It was one day not too long after the fire when I had a conversation with a pastor at our church. He was in charge of all of our missions at the church, and at that time it was a rather large program. He stopped me though and told me a little about himself. So here was this very well respected pastor, who I totally thought was a wonderful man, and he was telling me what a stinker he was as a child. He said that he had done things like that when he was young too. He encouraged me that my son would grow out of it, that he would do just fine. When I looked at him, I felt hope. If he was a handful as a child, could get through it and be successful, well then so could my son. I am so grateful for the conversation and the encouragement. He also was right. My son did make it through his childhood, not perfectly, and with many struggles. He is still a hard worker, kind and willing to help if he is able. His family means everything to him, and he is an optimistic and encouraging person. Perfect? No. Best trait of all? He is over the whole setting things on fire stage, and now he puts them out. He spends his summers fighting wildfires throughout California. So all of that energy and activity that drove us crazy as a kid, now helps him do his job well.

I think of the women like me who are out there, dealing with crazy little kids in their lives. I just want to tell you, have faith. You can do this and they will make it. I know….I was there once too. Thankful not to be there any longer!

August 18, 2016 0

A visit to my Nat’l park

Ok, so I love my hubby. Why? Not sure. That is how God made me or something to that effect. One thing that I love about him, is that he pushes me to do things that are not comfortable for me. He is finding the balance of how to motivate me and not just make me mad. One of the things that he pushes me to do is travel. I love to be at different places, but I am not a great traveler. I hate mountain roads, excessive traffic, crazy drivers, airplanes, boats, you get the point.

So a couple of weeks ago we had to take my son his tires that he ordered for his truck. Who knew Fed Ex would deliver tires? He lives in the mountains east of Fresno near the town of Dunlap. So of course my husband says, if we are so close to Kings Canyon National Park, we have to go visit, and so we did. I just snapped a few pictures….

Such a pretty meadow by the visitors center in Kings Canyon

So much brown in the trees. Between the bark beetle and the drought, it is heartbreaking and scary

I was thinking of this trip since we will be going the same way tomorrow to visit the Cat Haven. It is a park that is home to a number of big cats, and it is basically the same route to get there. Which means I had better be prepared, as I am sure we will make it up to Kings Canyon again for a short visit.

August 12, 2016 3

Looking for Harmony

I went to a bible study this morning, and I think there was some shock that I was there. This was actually my second time there and when I walked in the first time, it was quite a surprise. I was by the far the youngest person in the room. I would say that most of them were a good 20 years older than me, and retired. Grandchildren and great grandchildren was their reality, mine is just finishing getting my children out of the house.

So I sat, and they were all introduced to me and I to them. It was funny, and while I felt a bit out of place, they were all more than kind to me. After the study, I was not sure if I would go back. It had more to do with how they ran the study, than anything else, but I had decided to go at least the one more time before their August break.

So today, I walked into the class and was warmly greeted by all. After the class, I made conversation with one of the ladies as she had asked prayer for her daughter and a job decision that was coming up. From the way she spoke, I assumed her daughter lived in the bay area, and since that is where I am from, it gave me an “in” to have a conversation. We spoke of her daughter, where she lived and the decision she would be soon making. It was a nice conversation, and I was glad that I had found an opening to speak with her.

At that point, the teacher of the group walked out with me and made a comment that made me smile. She handed me the binder of study materials that they were using and said that it was OK if I did not come back. She said it nicely, and I know it was because she recognized that this group was not my peers, and not out of a desire to get me out of the group. Whatever my feelings were before, by that time, I knew I would be back. Really, how could I not? This is a group of women that I could learn from, and like I told her, I might teach them a thing or two also.

Meeting these ladies also fits into the scheme of the new me. I want to be challenged by who I know, and seek out those who ha images-1 ve a different experience than I do. I want to hear their stories, and see from their perspective. This is important to me. Why? I think it is so I can meet people where they are, and not where I think they should be. I think that is a lot of the problem with the world. We expect everyone to be like….well us.

Everyone thinks we need to be unified, but I don’t like to think in terms of unity, but more like harmony. Unity seems like sameness to me, and I know that in our ways of thinking many of us are not the same. I like to think more in terms of harmony. We are singing different parts, that look and sound awfully different. All of us singing with the same goal 9165c3e52b881ae39233a13d8c8df74d in mind. It may sound a bit discordant when you take each part separately, but when it is all put together by a Master Conductor, we get something that is beyond what we could ever imagine. I cannot wait to hear their stories, and seek out the harmony that He creates

August 11, 2016 4

Beauty in the weeds

So I was thinking about weeds this morning. Not sure how it came up? Maybe it was because I was sitting in my backyard and the entire thing is dirt right now because of weeds. Or it may have been because weeds, when they grow, will bring up nutrients and other minerals from deeper in the soil. Some of the things they bring up are good, but if what is in the soil is bad, then that is what the weeds will contain. That is exactly how I feel. I have some weeds growing and they are bringing up some junk that needs to be dealt with. While that in itself is not a bad thing, the means of my realization has for lack of a better word, sucked.

I was feeling better this morning after a rough day yesterday. It was hard for me, as I hadn’t slept well the previous night. I know I have stated this fact before, but sleep is paramount for my state of mind. It has been alluding me because I have been having some attacks at night. I will wake up feeling hot and I feel like I cannot breathe. Feel being the operative word. I am totally able to breathe. It is just the overwhelming anxiety that builds in seconds, that causes me not to be able to go back to sleep. They were bothering me in Paso a week ago and the night before last, it happened again. So yesterday as I googled various information, I wondered if this was a physical response to something that is happening in my brain? (Either that or hormones or both)

I am not sure what it is, but it got me thinking about my fears. Why? Because at this point I started to ask myself some questions. Why would not breathing frighten me? Well, the whole dying thing scares me. While that may scare anyone, I am a Christian and so the whole dying thing for me is covered. Right? I have to admit though, I am not acting like it. I started to think again of the fear I have of heights, travel and airplanes. It seems to me that the fears are really a fear of death. Even my fear of rodents. I mean really, they carry the plague? And that can kill ya!

I can tell you that the couple of nights where this has happened to me have been brutal. While I have not enjoyed these nights, I do now see them as the weed they are. Maybe these attacks were to bring this fear stuff back onto my radar? I think I knew that these fears all were connected to death, but I had never really owned it. I have known and fought my fears for years, but maybe I have only dealt with them in a superficial way? Maybe God is directing me to address them in a manner so He can finally eradicate them. I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, so I know these character traits are not supposed to be in my life. So instead of fear and timidity, I am asking God to replace it with power, love and self-discipline. How will that look? I am not sure, but those three attributes are what God says He does give us, so I am thinking that is the best place to start.

Just so you know….there is some beauty in the weeds.

August 4, 2016 0

Eat, Rest and Seek

So my son called last night. He calls when things are really good, or when they are really stressful. So last night’s call was because of stress. It has to do with his living situation and some from his job, so he was calling for some encouragement and direction. Funny thing was, I gave him the same advice that I always do. Why? It is the only thing that works for me, and he is my son, and the apple don’t fall far from the tree. Lord help him! So what did I tell him? Do good things for yourself!

When I mean good things, I am always talking about the same three things. Rest, food and some spiritual nourishment. It is amazing what I can handle when I am fed, rested and got some God in me. Likewise, when I am low on those three, it is amazing to see what I cannot handle. Even the simplest of days become too hard to handle. It is scary how weak I can actually be? Continue reading “Eat, Rest and Seek” →

August 3, 2016 3

A Photoless Past

BeautyBeyondBones

Ahh, Facebook. You wolf in sheep’s clothing, you. A veritable Taylor Swift, if you will.

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JK JK

I love me some T. Swizzle.

But it’s true. I have a love/hate relationship with The Book.

Why?

One word:

Photos.

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You see, when I was deep in the throes of my anorexia, Facebook was just a fetus. As in, only my older brothers had profiles, because you had to have an “.edu” email address to sign up. Not that it really mattered at the time…AOL instant messaging was eating up too much time to care about Facebook. *scoffs*

But it’s true.

The photo section of my Facebook profile is hard for me to scroll through.

Because there is a large chunk of time where photos are just not there.

Now, to be clear, all of my albums when I was visibly sick are set to the privacy status of…

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July 29, 2016 0

Cheryl Mendoza

How He speaks to me…..Or… can't He just call my cell when He wants to talk?

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