Cheryl Mendoza

Well if you happen to be following my progress, you might have noticed that I didn’t write on Saturday.  Did I drop the ball?  Not really.  You see, I use Lent as a season of focus.  A time to seek Jesus and write about what I’m working out in my faith.  I would really like to write more, but truthfully I don’t because I worry way too much about what other people think.  

So in regards to yesterday.  It was a beautiful spring day.  Since it was so nice, I did get out and do more work in the yard.  Pulling weeds, planting my garden and just generally getting my yard back into shape.  Yes…. I know it has nothing to do with writing, but it does have to do with my own insecurities. 

When I was young, I lived next door to my Texas Grandma.  She really wasn’t my grandmother, but she became a surrogate to our family.  By the time I knew her, she was a stay at home wife and my babysitter.   What I remember most was her yard.  She had the most soft grass, and a beautiful redwood tree.  I can remember being with her as she pulled weeds and tended the yard.  I believe that this is where I got my love of gardens.   Please understand though, I am not good at it.  I plant things and some grow, but many don’t.   Every year I get a little better at taking care of the plants and vegetables I put in the ground.  I am still very far from being good at this gardening stuff, but I still do it.   There is something peaceful when things grow, and even when they don’t.  

I do have a problem though.  I hate the feeling that I don’t do this very well.  What I hate even more is that people will know I’m a bad gardener!  Silly isn’t it?  Insecurities are a little silly, but they are feelings that can propel someone to do something rash, or stop a person in place.

 The amazing thing about yesterday was that I was so totally happy working in the yard, that I didn’t even have time to feel insecure.  

I took pleasure in the doing, and not in any reaction I would receive from any outside source.  And in that beautiful day, I felt a freedom that I don’t have all the time.  It was not only freedom from insecurity and fear, but freedom to be what I wanted to be.  Who I was made to be.  And isn’t that what we all want?  

So have you ever heard a voice in your head?  I mean literally a voice that comes out of nowhere.  Call me crazy, but I have.  I guess you can call it an echo of conversations past, or maybe my conscience warning me.  As someone who follows Jesus, I believe that He speaks to us through the Holy Spirit.  Now don’t get me wrong, this was no burning bush moment.  I was just reading an article this morning and taking a few minutes to ponder the deeper meanings of the situation.  (more on that in a later post)  Then a crazy thing happened, I started scrolling.  Ok, it’s not such a crazy thing.  I am fighting an addiction, I admit it!  This whole internet thing appeals to my desires.  It appeals to my thirst for knowledge, my desire for wisdom.  I kinda relate to Eve.  (Any expanding on that is totally for another post!) This is nothing new….. I’ve always liked information….communication. 

 So back to my scrolling….  It wasn’t what I wanted to do, I really wanted to get to writing.  And that my friends is a big problem for me.  When I started thinking about Lent and what I would write about, the provision of God really kept rolling around my head.  His provision comes in so many ways, and one of the most precious commodities He provides is time.  And as I said yesterday, I already have time in my day, but then it’s up to me to use it wisely.  Some days I do, but some days I squander it.  I am horribly wasteful of this time, and it is heartbreaking when I truly think about it.  Why?  First it’s a gift of God, and to not open a gift from Him is just plain stupid!  He knows my dreams and has given me a opportunity to work toward them.  What more could I ask than that? 

So how did I get back on track this morning?  Well it’s all thanks to the Spirit’s whisper.  Oh….and Danielle Steel.  As I was scrolling mindlessly, I saw an article about the prolific author, and how she just published her 185th novel.  In that same moment I heard a faint voice,  “I bet this isn’t what she does?”  Ya, I guess you don’t write 185 novels by sitting around scrolling!  So since I can take a hint, I positioned myself in a more conducive writing atmosphere and here we are, taking the time to open the gift and ponder how I use it.  And hopefully encourage you to identify the gifts He has placed in your life.  And when you do, don’t let them sit there gathering dust.  Open them and use those gifts!  They are there for you to share with others, and bring about a fullness of life beyond our imagination!  To show God and His goodness, to a world that is in desperate need to see it. 

It’s Lent and I am writing again.  There have always been times I’ve found it hard to write, but after last year, it feels even harder to string sentences together.   So the focus of this time of the year is something that I am relying on to help me push through.  I always work better with a deadline.

I already knew what I wanted to write about, it was just the “doing it” that seemed a problem.  I only have so much time in the day and much of it’s filled with work, family, the thought of exercise, and spending time with Jesus.  So I am in a small group type of Bible study and this past week we were talking about spending time with God.  Many shared how hard it was, but how they each were trying to do it.  I of course already have my time carved out, and have been doing it for years.  Before I could pat myself on the back,(OK…maybe I got a few pats in) I was reminded of a few things.  

First of all, this happened not because of my innate wisdom. (Because I have none)  It took a change in schedule, a mother looking for quiet and a lot of God’s prompting for me to have this time.  Now that I look back, I can see how little changes created such a major blessing in my life.  But I see now, that He’s not finished yet.  It’s like He’s saying, “Hey… you’re still trying to figure out how to write, so you’re all in the same boat.”  Every time I think I’ve got it down, I am reminded that I am still “under construction.”  And let me be honest…. It took 19 YEARS for God to get me here.  Ya…. Not a quick study am I!  

So here I am again, trying to put words to paper and work out my life with a God who sees and knows me best.  So this morning, I praise God for the time I spend each day just with Him.  It is an amazing gift!  I’m also looking forward to the next 40 plus days to see what else He will say.  

Was this what I was going to write about?  I didn’t think so… but this isn’t the first time my words have been changed, and I know it won’t be the last.   

It was a long walk to get there, but we made it.  There were times I didn’t think we would and I was even ready to   turn around and go back,  but we didn’t.  And in not turning around, we gained the enjoyment of a lovely waterfall and a different perspective.

We needed to take it easy, but we were in the mountains!  How can you just sit by the pool when the trees are calling your name?  We were outside of Yosemite at the wonderful Tenaya Lodge.  We had gone into Yosemite Valley the day before, but there were too many people. So on Sunday we were staying close to the lodge to avoid the crowds and just get some much needed rest.  The day before, I had gone and asked where the trail around the lodge started, and went to check it out.  I walked for a couple of minutes and saw that it was a hard packed road, easy to walk.  Perfect for a man recovering from radiation, and his exhausted wife. Continue reading “Just what I needed to hear…..” →