You know the funniest thing about God? He wants to talk to us! I don’t get it…. Why? If I am who I am and He is who He is…. Why is He so big on trying to communicate with me?
He will speak to me anywhere. I have a tendency to pop the TV on during my quiet time on a Friday. Funny thing is, whatever I watch, I tend to get something more than I bargained FOR. Kinda like God won’t let Himself be silenced, even if I am slacking.
This morning I caught a few minutes of “Eat, Pray, Love.” Now I’ve never seen this whole movie, but I was drawn to the setting and the food they were eating. As I watched, I got caught up in the conversations of the characters. The lead character is eating her way through Italy (dream!) and she says, “I am through with the guilt.”
I loved it! We women get so many mixed messages, it’s hard to keep our heads on straight. Here was a woman who was trying to really live. Her motivation was not going to be out of a sense of guilt, but out of love. Well for her, the love was for pizza. For me, it is the love of God. Or better put, the way that God loves me.
If I look to see how I am loved, it is totally, fully and in the complete knowledge of who I am. There are no secrets between Him and I, He knows it all. The good, bad and ugly to borrow a phrase. Even that full knowledge doesn’t dissuade Him from loving me. That is the kind of love that gives a person freedom.
I struggle with this a lot. While I believe I am so loved, I have a hard time trusting in it. While His love is perfect, our worldly version is not. And that my friends has left a mark. I still chase after it though. I want that kind of freedom! To trust so much in that love, gives me the confidence to become the person He made me to be. The one that’s inside of me. The one that I find it hard to let out. The one who laughs too loud, eats too much, cry’s too easily and doesn’t want to wear a mask. She is kind and just wants to encourage you, whether she knows you or not. She loves Jesus, but she drinks a little. She is scared to be vulnerable with you, because she cares what you think. Her feelings get hurt easily and she lets them hurt. That’s because it’s either hurt or anger, and she never wants the anger to have life. I know I am not the only one who wants this freedom. I see it in myself, and I see it in other women. I see it in the bible.
I was reading about the woman Jesus met by a well. I see it in her. When she is face to face with that kind of love, she can’t help but let everyone know. It doesn’t matter that Jesus knew all about her life, her husbands and the man she was living with. That love gave her a different perspective. That Love gave her freedom!!
So here is to perfect LOVE that gives freedom and the amazing life that comes from it!
use the gifts you have? I’ve taught Sunday School and was pretty good at storytelling, but any role outside of that has never happened. There have been times over the years where I’ve thought, I could be used for that! Or I’ve being willing to say, use me! For some reason though, I was never picked. Or there wasn’t a place for me to use my gifts. It used to bug me, and I wondered what’s wrong with them?
John though was an outsider, and I like him because of it. Maybe because he was an outsider, he was able to be who God really needed him to be? I like to think so. It helps me to think that any time we may spend on the outside is just a proving ground. A place where God can weed, water and grow us to who He really wants us to be.
step carefully as I walked, making sure to navigate around the bumps and place my feet on flat ground. Why? Because I am such a clutz! Now there was plenty of good ground to step on, but I had to pay attention to make sure that is where I was walking. I took the picture because that is really how I am feeling right now. My life’s path feels a bit bumpy, so I am taking it slow trying to make it through. The picture gives me hope, as the path does eventually smooth out, and I know my life’s path will too. It is only a matter of time…..
I was praying, because I knew I would need help writing for a couple of hours today. I totally have ADHD and while writing is the way that I believe I am supposed to communicate, it is still really hard for me to do it. I get distracted so quickly and easily. Anyway, back to my conversation coming home. I had gone for a walk to the bank, and knew I wanted to write when I got home, but I wasn’t sure what I would write about. Then my mind started to wander back to my lovely surroundings, and the quick trip I took to the mountains with my hubby. 
I have a new office. Well, it is actually one of the same old bedrooms in our house, but we have given it a major overhaul. It has been cleaned and painted from top to bottom, adorned with a new desk, rug and drapes. The things that were in this room are coming back in one at a time. With each item, I am taking the time to see if I truly need it or not. This room had previously housed our computer, desk and other “office” stuff. It had also become a catch all for everything else. When that happened, it became a room that I did not like. There were things in the room that did not belong, and other things that needed to be addressed, but could be ignored because they were hidden in the chaos.
So this weekend I went to the Pinnacles National Park with my hubby and his parents. We were all in their RV and it was wonderful. It is fall, so the park has a total “old west” look to it, which some people may not find the most attractive, but I thought it was gorgeous. The Pinnacles is known for its rock walls, talus caves and California Condors.
another quick prayer, I turned on my light and followed my hubby. In retrospect, the length of the cave was very short, so I was able to easily get through. So you would think on day two I wouldn’t have any problem with the cave? Think again.
I was really encouraged by my experience at the park. I read the bible and the stories of people are very much alive to me. They help me see what God has done in the past, and how He is able to work in a person’s life. To have a more personal reminder though, is even better. It helps me push through that moment of fear and find the courage to keep going. It reminds me that even in the darkest moment, when the problem is all encompassing, an answer may shine through just a step or two away.
ce. How do I know? Well it has to do with some of the other things I have been doing this week. I have been doing some deep cleaning in my kitchen, tap dancing and cooking. Why are these things important? Well if I am not writing, I feel guilty. When I feel guilty, I start getting fearful, I doubt and have a hard time being productive in anything I am doing. This week though, I tried to find some balance. The balance that I need between writing, taking care of my family, working on my own insecurities and trying to be who I think God wants me to be. I am not sure if I got the balance right this week, but I feel like I made a better attempt.
Cheryl Mendoza 